[Transcription is auto-generated and may not be perfect]
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hey you welcome to sacrilegious discourse i'm husband i'm wife and together we're reading the bible
starting with genesis and eventually ending with revelations we're working through every book and offering our
atheist two cents four shekels yeah those we're asking questions and pointing out
all the nonsense we aren't academics or scholars nope in fact when it comes to religion we really don't know anything
at all what we've learned so far is that god's a dick oh he really is isn't he if
you're interested in how we reached this startling conclusion maybe start from episode one otherwise jump in anywhere
hey wife we just got a new sponsor it's anchor they must think we're doing something right because they picked us back up that's amazing want to hear
something even more amazing uh yeah i actually know what they are you are full of [ __ ] i'm calling your bluff tell me
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so do you remember what we read last time do i ever no yeah it was about dicks
really it was about circumcision you guys should totally go back and
check out the episode on dicks but you do remember right i do okay
i was like my eyes were just crawling out of my head like you don't remember talking about circumcisions did we ever
did we ever find steve no no no
we we also um talked about how um you know what i kind of don't remember
because all i can remember is just circumcision and steve and steve
um i think it had to do with oh it was a covenant right it was a covenant because he was promising
fames and fortune right that he had already promised and then to enslave his you know progeny no that was
in the section before that but yeah you're right right yeah so what are we talking about today um
genesis 18 and 19 chapters 18 and 19. okay well let's uh let's get a move on
hey wife yes husband did you know that we are now on patreon
um yes because you told me but also no tell me more [Laughter]
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[Music] genesis chapter 18 the birth of isaac
promised oh yeah this is the this is the legitimate son
of sarah after that girl got raped indeed indeed she did get raped and i
don't know why that made me laugh other than it was just so shocking well there's so much rape yeah
it's almost comical if such a thing could be laughed at which way it's like it's like quentin tarantino with blood
you know like true there's so much of it that it's like at some point you're just like jesus
so to speak oh yeah so to speak all right ready sure the lord appeared
again to abraham not abram abraham right near the oak grove after the dick
chopping yes after the dick chopping the lord appeared again to abraham near the oak
grove belonging to mamrie that oak grove seems very important it came up earlier it does okay
one day abraham was sitting at the entrance to his tent during the hottest part of the day
he looked up and noticed three men standing nearby everything comes in threes right when he saw them he ran to
meet them and welcomed them bowing low to the ground my lord he said if it
pleases you stop here for a while rest in the shade of this tree while water is brought to wash your feet
that's nice of them well um washing of the feet was like um
it was not just a weird thing it was like a customary act of respect and
generosity sure so just to make that clear in case you didn't know no i kind of knew that okay
but like you know just they don't know this guy just walking up to an oak tree and they're like dude let's wash your feet
but it was it was like if you walked up to somebody and shook their hand
that it was that way but do you think if you didn't have like a truckload of riches behind them if they would have
done the same thing no not at all okay so he's still talking here and
since you've honored your servant with this visit let me prepare some food to refresh you before you continue on your
journey all right they said do as you have said so abraham ran back to the tent and said
to sarah because you know his ass wasn't washing no feet he volunteered his wife right so
he said to sarah hurry get three large measures of your best flour knead it into dough and bake some bread [ __ ]
then abraham ran out to the herd and chose a tender calf and gave it to a
servant who quickly prepared it how do you think you prepared it now calf
i want you to be prepared i'm probably gonna chop you in half
when the food was ready abraham took some yogurt and milk and the roasted meat
how did yogurt like i don't know i should look into like old culinary stuff
because like how does yogurt preserve out in the deserty areas oh that's well i mean it's just curdled milk so right
right okay i don't know sure they just ate it right quick they didn't refrigerate it and go
back for leftovers the next day got it got it okay when the food was ready he served
it to the men as they ate abraham waited on them in the shade of the trees
where is sarah your wife the visitor the visitors asked she's inside the tent
abraham replied then one of them said i will return to you about this time next
year and your wife sarah will have a son what some denim
but didn't god already tell him that yeah now some dude at an oak tree is telling him that yeah okay like this and
like why does he know she's gonna have a son is he gonna do something to make that happen these are special guys oh these are special they're like the three
kings or something that's what i was wondering remember i said everything comes in threes it's either ominous or
awesome three horsemen or no no that's four four boys now that's four and then
seven deadly sins is seven so not everything comes in threes but threes are
a thing right right sarah was listening to this conversation from the tent abraham and sarah were
both very old by this time because they were in the hundreds right and sarah was long past the age of having children so
she laughed silently to herself and said how could a worn-out woman like me enjoy
such pleasure especially when my master my husband is also so old
my master is the pleasure having the child i was or the sex leading up to the child
i i don't know because it sounded like she's saying how could i have any of sex
right i don't know but like yeah because i mean it doesn't matter how old you are you could still you know at
least attempt to have sex right so that part doesn't make sense necessarily
right but the having of the child definitely is not pleasant i mean there's a pleasantness to it like
there's a pleasantness of having a life growing inside of you and the body sure
but the part where you have the baby yeah that sucks dude you can have that then the lord
said to abraham why did sarah laugh why did she say can an old woman like me
have a baby is anything too hard for the lord i will return about this time next year and
sarah will have a son keeping control of your people is too hard for the lord right
sarah was afraid so she denied it saying i didn't laugh but the lord was like now she's lying
yeah but the lord said no you did laugh so what
who gives a [ __ ] yeah i hate it when i doubt magic right i i really i mean i
should totally be held accountable for assuming that the [ __ ] that you're spewing is nonsense right what
plus you always come and talk to abraham abram and yeah like you never talked to sarah
that i've heard okay at least not much anyway if you husband came up to me and
said some magical bullshittery i would not believe you right i love you dearly
i would assume you got conked on the head right especially i don't even have a uterus now so if you told me
wife you are gonna have a baby i mean if i was 99 years old i'd be like i might be dead next year i'm
but still like not only am i old but yeah i i would be like you are very
silly apparently those timelines with like life and stuff were very rigid back then you get to live that 120 years i
guess or something i guess okay we're at the next section same chapter okay abraham intercedes for
sodom then the men got up from their meal and looked out towards sodom as they left
abraham went out with them to send them on their way should i hide my plan from abraham the
lord asked for abraham will certainly become a great and mighty nation and all
the nations of the earth will be blessed through him okay lord i gotta interrupt you
um you already told him this plan right so it's a bit late i was scratching i was literally scratching my head like
dude you already yeah we covered this and moreover like didn't we cover this like maybe multiple times almost yes
because this [ __ ] is repetitive right i have singled him out so that he will direct his sons and their families to
keep the way of the lord by doing what is right and just right that's a whole covenant like chopping dick thing yeah
then i will do for abraham all that i have promised you know talk to him yeah including keeping his
progeny slaves for 400 right right so the lord told abraham i have heard a
great outcry from sodom and gomorrah because their sin is so flagrant i am
going down to see if their actions are as wicked as i have heard oh my you you
don't know god right that's what i'm saying he has trouble keeping track of people
if not i want to know okay i thought you knew things already
right this is not speaking well of your omnipotence and you're all knowing and
if you spent less time worrying about abraham and more time worrying about you know the rest of the [ __ ] planet right
maybe you could you know help make things work better maybe you could help a little maybe but he also he also
already knows how things are going to work out 400 years in the future so why the [ __ ] does he know anything about sodom or gamora i don't know
this is all very confusing i think it's [ __ ] i don't think he really knows as much as um we're supposed to be led
to believe he knows considering the fact that he states right here i don't know and i'm gonna go look because of what
i've heard and i want to know right i mean it doesn't sound like a very good
god at goddamn stuff kind of mediocre right like his powers are kind of like
he's like not even as good as doctor who let's be honest yeah i mean he hasn't struck us dead for putting this podcast
out yet that is true so knock on wood
the other men turned and headed towards sodom but the lord remained with abraham
abraham approached him and said will you sweep away both the righteous and the wicked
suppose you find 50 righteous people living there in the city will you still sweep it away and not spare it for their
sakes surely you wouldn't do such a thing destroying the righteous along with the
wicked why you would be treating the righteous and the wicked exactly the same
surely you wouldn't do that should not the judge of all the earth do what is
right i mean that sounds like a fair plea to me but you're asking the big
dude who drowned an entire planet right including the small furry animals that
spray across the earth oh you really like them scurrying animals well i mean i just think it was completely unfair
that he killed everything everything because he was pissed off at humanity right it sounded
to me like he was really just throwing a temper tantrum let's be christ yeah totally and the lord replied if i find 50
righteous people in sodom i will spare the entire city for their sake but not 49 but not 49
or even one right like sorry one good person but you were born in the wrong place at the
wrong time so you get to die [ __ ] you right right nice then abraham spoke again
since i have begun let me speak further to my lord even though i am but dust and ashes suppose there are only 45
righteous people rather than 50. will you destroy the whole city for lack of five
and the lord said i will not destroy it if i find 45 righteous people there
now we're negotiating i know right then abraham pressed his request further
suppose there are only 40 and the lord replied i will not destroy it for the
sake of the 40. please don't be angry my lord abraham pleaded let me speak
suppose only 30 righteous people are found come on take bigger bigger swings here he's
he's biting at everything so far yeah but i mean this is like if abraham's the sales person god's buying everything
he's taking c selling so true and the lord replied i will not destroy it if i
find dirty d is the voice and tone that i'm attributing do you feel that it
accurately reflects what's happening could you just get to the point abraham come on just say one yeah what about one
then abraham said since i have dared to speak to the lord let me continue suppose there are only 20 oh my god how
many times we're gonna do this i'm almost at the end of the paragraph hold tight all right and the lord
replied then i will not destroy it for the sake of the twenty finally abraham said lord please don't
be angry with me if i speak one more time suppose only ten are found there and the
lord replied then i will not destroy it for the sake of the ten when the lord had finished his
conversation with abraham he went on his way and abraham returned to his tent why
did he stop at 10 i mean he probably figures 10 10 is a number that's easily sacrificed apparently i think he
probably felt like dude is getting really pissed off at me and i am walking on that's what i'm saying take bigger
swings dude just go straight to one i don't know i mean i think he did okay
i mean he got him down from 50 to 10. yeah that's decent but he took he took four
bargaining chips to get there but what i want to know is we know what's gonna happen and so are
you [ __ ] telling me there were not 10 righteous people in that entire [ __ ] city apparently not which
[ __ ] i i have to wonder because you know god was all talky talky with all these
[ __ ] out here and what he didn't like show himself once to anybody in sodom or gamora right and
they're all just like party yeah i mean when the cat's away the
mouse will play i guess why didn't he talk to somebody i mean all he'd have to do is open his
damn mouth he was just a little bit too caught up in sarah sarai and egypt and
given abraham riches and [ __ ] yeah and enslaving people well that's the end
of chapter 18. all right let's see what happens to sodom and gomorrah i have a
inkling of an idea as do i yeah stay tuned [Music]
genesis chapter 19 the destruction of sodom and gomorrah that's what we knew
that's what i thought that evening the two angels came to the
entrance to the of the city let me try that again that evening the
two angels came to the entrance of the city of sodom there we go lot was
sitting there and when he saw them he stood up to meet them lot is abraham's
nephew yeah okay just check in then he welcomed them and bowed with his face to the ground my lords he said come
to my home to wash your feet and be my guest for the night you may then get up early in the morning and be on your way
again oh no they replied we'll just spend the night out here in the city
square but lot insisted so at last they went home with him lot prepared a feast for
them complete with fresh bread made without yeast and they ate i don't know why
angels need to eat apparently are these angels because that's what you just said was it angels oh yeah my bad two angels
yep you were right sorry i was caught up in the fact that i couldn't read [Laughter]
but before they retired for the night all the men of sodom young and old came from all over the city and surrounded
the house which i mean there's angels there right yeah i guess i would go if
you if you heard from a bunch of people there's a [ __ ] angel over there right
yeah wouldn't you be i'm sure at first you would be it's like a fire in town you know you got to go find out what's going on but i'm sure at first you would
be like right but then if your mom came and was like no i'm for real i saw it with my
own eyeballs right then wouldn't you be like let's go check this out wife right yeah
they shouted to lot where are the men who came to spend the night with you bring them out to us so we can have sex
with them oh that escalated quickly i did not anticipate that did you no it
did not that there was just no lead up to that apparently
sorry i can't boom let's have sex whoa
y'all freaky right so lot stepped outside to talk to them shutting the door behind him please my brothers he
begged don't do such a wicked thing look i have two virgin daughters let me bring
them out to you oh my god and you can do with them as you wish holy [ __ ] but
please leave these men alone for they are my guests and are under my protection oh my god
could you even [ __ ] imagine what the [ __ ] oh my god no don't rape the angels but
go ahead and rape my daughters instead and i will even lead them to you i will
give you my daughters they weren't there demanding sex with the virgin daughters but they were there as soon as two
people showed up out of the blue angels like the same night well but they said people they said men
they said men when they when they came to the door all the men shouted oh yeah yeah you're right where are the men bring them out
so we could have sex right so they didn't know that they were angels oh you know what this is where um all of those
christians get their anti um gay stuff because right all the men
showed up saying bring the men out so we can have sodomy came from sodom and gomorrah yeah i just for some reason i
didn't put it all together right so he's like no don't have sex with the angel mans right instead rape my daughters
because it's much much better to have sex with
girls would you if you were a lot would you even stay anywhere near this town that just shows up and randomly wants to have
sex with people that show up at your house too but like demand right hell no like the whole [ __ ] town showed up
yeah demanding sex hey new men let's have sex what and then you have to offer your daughters to be
raped yeah like i'm like totally not okay with that in any way whatsoever this sounds really bad and so i could
understand why god would be like this town is [ __ ] well yeah if that's actually what's happening that's crazy
but it has nothing to do with men sleeping with men just to keep the record straight like i do not want
anybody to think that right i am anti no it's the demanding of sex and then raping yeah you know that's yeah that's
just weird you you don't go up to anybody's house ever and man or woman
say bring out your sex tools [Laughter]
oh my gosh this is crazy this is a demented book i mean who even like somebody somebody
had to write this somebody had to write this this is ridiculous stand back they shouted this fellow came
to town as an outsider and now he's acting like our judge we'll treat you far worse than those other men
oh jeez we was gonna rape the angel guys and we
reject your offer to rape your girls cause now [ __ ] we gonna rape you
right what the [ __ ] yeah and they lunged toward lot to break down the door oh my
god i mean why does lot live here right that's what i'm like that's what i'm asking that's why i was like would you
live anywhere near this [ __ ] what is i mean why but the two angels reached out pulled
lot into the house and bolted the door then they because that'll do it against 50 people
right well look they're magical then they blinded all the men young and old who were at the door of
the house so they gave up trying to get inside do you think but it was just men
yeah just men yeah okay all the men young and old who are at the door right but that's what i'm
saying only men came to come you know have sex and rape people but do you think i was gonna ask do you think
that's where the adage that if you masturbate too much you'll make yourself go blind comes from
[Laughter] oh my this is just
oh i keep saying it it's grotesque right this book is weird it is weird the story
is like it's making me uncomfortable quite frankly and not in a spiritual you
know accounting my sins and self-observation kind of way in a ew
all this rapey murdery slave [ __ ] i bet lot gets spared i bet he does
even though he's only one person right and his daughters so three yeah but not ten no not 10. but i better get spared
anyway every other [ __ ] person person being only men of course women and children don't count as people
apparently right god this is gross and i hate it meanwhile the angels questioned lot do
you have any other relatives here in the city they asked get them out of this
place your sons-in-law sons daughters or anyone else or we are about to destroy
this city completely we gonna blow this [ __ ] up see i told you he was gonna
spare him yeah that outcry against this place is so great it has reached the lord and he has sent us to destroy it
what kind of outreach did they do to find the 10 people who are i i don't i didn't see
knocking on doors going on right like excuse me do you know any righteous people no they just judged it based on who ran
the lot store to rape his guests right right those 50 people or whatever they were okay let's take a step back for a
minute like okay so everybody sees lot has new guests in
this house and we're just assuming like the whole town is weird but what if it was something else like what if lot was
known for throwing sex freak parties right and that's why they came to the door and lost just playing a cool like i
would never no because they were going to treat him worse remember they were mad that they wouldn't well maybe they were mad because they were like um
you invited us to all your other rape parties why can't we come to this one you keeping the angels to yourself
i just don't know how his daughters got away with not being raped so long maybe they didn't well he said they were
virgins oh that's true so and he would know because i'm sure you know he gets knuckle deep up in their high men to
find out god so lot rushed out to tell his daughter's
fiancees quick get out of the city the lord is about to destroy it but the young men thought he was only joking
oh [ __ ] so wait wait his daughters were engaged
yeah the the virginal daughters were engaged okay
i don't know dude i'm just reading what's here i'm sorry but he was gonna offer to have him be raped anyway yeah
okay don't rape the angels rape the girls i'm just i'm i'm just trying to wrap my
head around this that's all gonna be raped that's what i just don't understand why that's so much rape so much rape
this book is all about sex right i am not okay with this yeah this
is not a they should just rename it rape bible
yeah the big book of rape the big book of rape yeah gross at dawn the next morning the angels
became insistent hurry they said to lot take your wife and your two daughters
who are here get out right now or you will be swept away in the destruction of the city
when lot still hesitated the angel seized his hand and the hands of his wife and two daughters and rushed them
to the safety outside the city for the lord was merciful when they were safely out of the city
one of the angels ordered run for your lives and don't look back or stop anywhere in the valley escape to the
mountains or you will be swept away oh no my lord
lot begged you have been so gracious to me and saved my life and you have sown such great kindness but i cannot go to
the mountains disaster would catch up to me there and i would soon die see there is a small village nearby
please let me go there instead don't you see how small it is then my life will be saved why would the mountains kill him i
wonder i don't [ __ ] know okay i'm still caught up on rape i mean if god slash angels are telling you to go
somewhere don't you just be like i'll just go okay okay boy thanks you're gonna you're gonna take care of me right
like we're good i'm just gonna why don't i just head towards my you know uncle you know abraham right
i heard he's got a great deal with god right yeah all right the angel said i will grant
your request i will not destroy the little village but hurry escape to it for i can do nothing until you arrive
there this explains why that village was known as zoar which means little place
lot reached the village just as the sun was rising over the horizon then the lord rained down fire and
burning sulfur from the sky on sodom and gomorrah he utterly destroyed them along
with the other cities and villages of the plain wiping out all the people and every bit of vegetation
well i mean at least he didn't destroy the entire world this time no just two [ __ ] cities full of people right the
the half of which were women who probably couldn't even help their situation they didn't try to find they
did not righteous people they did not do any polls right
the whole thing was [ __ ] maybe they needed surveymonkey they did
that was a free plug by the way i mean it was something right but lot's
wife kate looked back as she was following behind him and she turned into a pillar of salt god damn it lots wife
damn i mean that's hard they said don't look back they said get
the [ __ ] out don't look back and she looked back that's i knew that sucks i knew that was coming
because i knew that that's some kind of lesson but for the life of me i don't understand what the lesson is well you
know you blindly follow god right like don't god's word is god's word and if you if
you go against it you're going to turn into a pillar of salt except for sometimes you don't right sometimes because abraham was able
to question god right was noah right yeah so you just never know but this time it
depends on if you're the hero and you can't know until it happens and she was a woman too so it seems like men have
more leeway than women do right like men get away with everything and women just get raped yeah and turned into pillars
of salt yeah sucks abraham got up early that morning and hurried out to the place where he had
stood in the lord's presence god it doesn't even look like abraham oh okay all right the uncle the
guy yeah no i just really jumped back back to okay yeah and there was like no meanwhile right back at the ranch right
abraham got up early that morning and hurried out to the place where he had stood in the lord's presence he looked
out across the plain towards sodom and gomorrah and watched as columns of smoke rose from the cities like smoke from a
furnace but he didn't get turned into a [ __ ] pillar assault and maybe he wasn't close enough whatever otherwise
they might have given him direction not to look that way whatever yeah i don't know it's a man's world but god had
listened to abraham's request and kept lot safe removing him from the disaster
that engulfed the cities on the plane okay now we're going back to lot okay
afterwards lot left zoar because he was afraid of the people there as well he should be there were they trying to rape
people too right and he went to live in a cave in the mountains with his only two daughters wait so he still went to
the [ __ ] mountains yeah okay and it doesn't even look like he cried about his wife being gone
oh well stupid [ __ ] one day the older daughter said to her
sister there are no men left anywhere in this entire area well [ __ ] so we can't get married like everyone else that
doesn't live here everyone else that's not here yeah and our father will soon be too old to have children come let's
get him drunk with wine and then we will have sex with him what the [ __ ]
what the [ __ ] this escalated quickly again holy [ __ ] i did not see that
coming the everlasting hell i can't do this jesus christ that way we will
preserve our family line through our father oh my god this is [ __ ]
disgusting this book is disturbing like it's really really [ __ ] disturbing so
that night they got him oh no is this gonna happen i don't know oh no oh my
stomach hurts so that night they got him drunk with wine and the older daughter went in and had intercourse with her
oh i didn't know that was gonna happen did you know that no i don't think they
cover this one in bible school this is not okay
he was unaware of her lying down or getting up again that's rape he was unaware yeah because
they got him drunk right and then rode the pony yeah the next morning the older daughter said to her younger sister i
had sex with our father last night let's get him drunk with wine again tonight and you go in and have sex with him that
way we will preserve our family line to our father oh my god this is gross it really is so that night they got him
drunk with wine again and the younger daughter went in and had intercourse with him
as before he was unaware of her lying down or getting up again as a result both of lot's daughters became pregnant
by their own [ __ ] father oh my god when the older daughter gave birth to a son she named him moab he became the
ancestor of the nation we now known as the moabites when the younger sister
gave birth to a son she named him ben nami he became the ancestor of the nation
now known as the ammonites that was gross
so no issues with this like god's okay with this because like
they're fathers of nations i guess i i this is not sitting well with me this is
right because that just took up like a i mean before it was like funny even
though there was kind of like no there was definitely too much rape definitely but then these chicks for no reason
just raped their father i mean i guess at least there's
you know not the the women are raping as well as the men
how is that better it's not i just i didn't know all this happened
and it's very unsettling it seems to me that rape was just an okay thing back then it seems to me like
this is a book that why do we celebrate it again i really don't know ugh
okay it just gets worse before it was just dull but now it's horrific right right let's go back we haven't
even got to revelations yet so revelations is the last book i know first i know but i hear it's awful
um i don't think awful things happen i think it's just really dull and weird oh okay
so like that's when we should get our listeners to like smoke some weed and i think the people that wrote this [ __ ]
were smoking i think they were doing more than that probably probably raping people too god so gross
all right that's the end of the chapter yeah we'll we'll see you guys uh let's see yeah thursday all right bye
husband yes wife um is there a way for people to contact
us well sure they can uh get on our twitter account we have a twitter account we do what is
it it is sacrilegious d like d for discourse yeah they wouldn't
let me put the whole thing so i had to shorten it to underscore d i hate them yeah that's disgusting how do
you spell sacrilegious do you know i don't want to just look it up in a dictionary or something
i don't i don't want to do that right now you know why sacrilegious underscore d okay cause you messed it up and i made
you fix it that's why yeah yeah what about an email yeah we got that too so
sacrilegious discourse at gmail.com oh well that's easy yeah as long as you
know how to spell sacrilegious right well definitely get a hold of us let us know what you thought thought of the
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