[Transcription is auto-generated and may not be perfect]
0:05
hey you welcome to sacrilegious
discourse i'm husband i'm wife and
together we're reading the bible
starting with genesis and eventually
ending with revelations we're working
through every book and offering our
atheist two cents four shekels yeah
we're asking questions and pointing out
all the nonsense we aren't academics or
scholars nope in fact when it comes to
religion we really don't know anything
what we've learned so far is that god's
a dick oh he really is isn't he if
you're interested in how we reached this
startling conclusion maybe start from
episode one otherwise jump in anywhere
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do you remember what we talked about in
our last episode well here's a funny
we uh we only recorded a couple of hours
and i almost forget everything except
was it jacob that was running away from
somebody uncle laban yeah yeah so i do
but i mean that's only because it was
like you know a few hours ago that's
do you remember that rachel pimped out
her husband jacob for some mushrooms
oh yeah the mandrakes that's right yeah
her sister to leah the dog yeah she
prostitution yeah yeah yeah i remember
that and then um when they when rachel
and leah and jacob ran away do you
remember they chased after him i
remember that and we were talking
remember somebody took something oh the
idols yeah who was it it was uh rachel
yeah why'd you do that um
that's the best you got that's the best
so yeah that happened and then laban
um they caught up to him and then they
made a covenant and said just kidding
let's not fight buddy right but i bet
those idols come into it somewhere
i don't know i mean this is not like a
check off's gun right yeah it doesn't
apply like if you mention the gun you
have to use it right yeah that's true
that's true who knows this could just be
something that never comes up ever again
right but we will find out because we're
about to read genesis chapters 32 and
33. all right let's get this going yep
hey wife yes husband did you know that
um yes because you told me but also no
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genesis chapter 32 jacob prepares to
okay oh that's yeah he saw one of the
like kick his ass kill him like thing
because he was like you know took all
his [ __ ] he's just blessing first grade
and he has birth rights and yeah
and they're twins yeah yeah
i heard something i was listening to a
and apparently esau is like the
primitive like there's something
primitive about him what book are you
listening to that book you told me to to
listen to oh um devolution evolution by
yeah and they mentioned something about
esau in there and it was about uh how
he's like the primitive brother of jacob
oh and like it's just like i don't know
but i thought it was interesting so like
you know i'm sitting here we're talking
about him on our podcast and all of a
sudden it pops up in a book that i'm
listening to that is very odd right
don't you wish right now that we were
or something yeah like and you can pick
up devolution on audible.com
as jacob started on his way again angels
of god came to meet him when jacob saw
them he exclaimed this is god's camp so
he named the place my hand no no wait
god's camp is that like summer camp but
absolutely okay all right
then jacob sent messengers ahead to his
brother esau who was living in the
region of ser in the land of edom he
told them give this message to my master
esau humble greetings from your servant
jacob until now i have been living with
uncle laban and now i own cattle donkeys
flocks of sheep and goats and many
servants slaves both men and women i
have sent these messengers to inform my
lord of my coming hoping that you will
be friendly to me so i've been thinking
about this whole servant slave thing
but sometimes they have the ability to
inherit land if they don't have a you
know legitimate side of stuff care
i'm just saying like maybe it's a little
bit better than some things but do they
have the option to leave doubt it are
they treated like [ __ ] and they get
raped a lot they get raped they get sold
they belong to people right
no just no you're right you're right i
i i just want to make sure we were i
don't want to whitewash it okay they're
slaves and that is bad okay all right so
when they say servants i will always
as slaves well but like how did you pay
for things back then it was a barter
system and like maybe they're paying
them in food and shelter and okay well
when um we're about to get into a fight
prostituted out her husband for some
[ __ ] mushrooms right um
that was barter but it was still gross
right i'll let you sleep with my husband
if you give me some of your mushrooms
please right that's gross
i mean i'm with you i think they're
slaves i just i was just thinking it was
you know whatever i don't care
i don't care it was just thought to
cross my head you know what um i don't
own any slaves and i don't have servants
i am not ever going to condone other
what what do you mean you mean
we have like our google thing and stuff
okay hang on my google she turns on live
lights for me and stuff okay but she's
not a person no she's a machine we call
her we literally call her machine lady
can i just go on with this yeah
let's go with the bible you a-hole
after delivering the message oh you know
i just want to say real quick here um
interrupt myself that was like a really
nice suck-up-y message like please don't
right i love you you're the best yeah
yeah yeah okay after delivering the
message the messengers returned to jacob
and reported we met your brother esau
and he is already on his way to meet you
with an army of 400 men oh he's not
jacob was terrified at the news as well
he divided his household along with the
flocks and herds and camels into two
groups he thought if esau meets one
group and attacks it perhaps the other
i wonder if he put like his wife
one with one group and wife two with the
other group one wife will survive right
i wonder if he like drew straws to
decide which one went with him and he's
like standing in the middle he's like
seeing which way they go and he's going
to run over the other side yeah yeah
then jacob prayed oh god of my
grandfather abraham and god of my father
isaac oh lord you told me return to your
own land and to your relatives and you
promised me i will treat you kindly i am
not worthy of all the unfailing love and
faithfulness you have shown to me your
servant when i left home and crossed the
jordan river i owned nothing except a
walking stick as opposed to a running
now my household fills two large camps
oh lord please rescue me from the hand
of my brother esau i am afraid that he
is coming to attack me along with my
wives and children wives the plural
wives yeah and especially if you include
the wives that were given to them as uh
servants the wife's wives yeah the
sister wives right the slave wives yes
but you promised me i will surely treat
you kindly and i will multiply your
descendants until they become as
numerous as the sands along the seashore
too many to count dude he promises that
to everybody but jacob doesn't know that
like you're not special dude
jacob steeped where he was for the night
then he selected these gifts from his
possessions to present to his brother
200 female goats 20 male goats 200 ewes
20 rams 30 female camels with their
young 40 cows 10 bulls 20 female donkeys
jesus that's a [ __ ] zoo that's almost
enough for the ark yeah he divided these
animals into herds and assigned each to
different servants slaves then he told
his servants slaves go ahead of me with
the animals but keep some distance
he gave these instructions to the men
leading the first group when my brother
esau meets you he will ask whose
servants are you where are you going who
you must reply they belong to your
servant jacob but they are a gift for
his master esau look he is coming right
behind us i have a question why is he
calling himself the servant of esau
because i thought that he's [ __ ] up
so he's allowing himself to become what
he's not supposed to be because
okay is humbling himself before his
older brother his brother who was only
older by like maybe five minutes tops
it's just no i just i mean that the the
esau would be his servant so like you
know like that's why i was questioning
it i think jacob is just like don't be
mad please you're the best you're
awesome but then what's up with all that
trying to get the blessing and
like what's up with all that i don't
know maybe jacob's ready to bury the
hatchet or maybe he's like jesus christ
i was just stuck on laban's land forever
and now i'm just trying to get away
and god told me to go to my family and
the only family i got is my [ __ ] twin
brother and oh my god this sucks okay
all right i mean i don't know i just i
mean i'm not jacob so i'm just guessing
jacob gave the same instructions to the
second and third herdsmen and to all who
followed behind the herds you must say
the same thing to esau when you meet him
and be sure to say look your servant
jacob is right behind us jacob thought
sorry jacob thought i will try to
appease him by sending gifts ahead of me
when i see him in person perhaps he will
be friendly to me so the gifts were sent
on ahead while jacob jacob himself spent
jacob got up and took his two wives his
and his 11 sons and crossed the jabba
river with them after taking them to the
other side he sent over all his
this left jacob all alone in the camp
and a man came and wrestled with him
until the dawn began to break
but wait a man came and wrestled with
him that's random that is random weird
when he sold it he would not win the
match he touched jacob's hip and
wrenched it out of its socket what
holy [ __ ] that's pretty that's that's
i mean that's a that that would hurt
that's a red flag that's a flag on the
play right i mean your hip out of socket
damn yeah i i mean yeah i had bursitis
once and that [ __ ] hurt i couldn't
my shoulder came out of soccer once but
that was pretty good really i was really
little yeah oh yikes that must have
then the man said let me go for the dawn
is breaking but jacob said i will not
let you go unless you bless me
this is so this is weird random weird
where did this guy come from i don't
some guy okay a wrestler apparently he's
not nimrod i'll tell you that much
what is your name the man asked he
replied jacob your name will no longer
be jacob the man told him from now on
you be you will be called israel because
you have fought with god and with men
what this is so it's gotta be like a
dream right like this is so weird it
like what even is happening i have no
idea please tell me your name jacob said
why do you want to know my name the man
replied then he blessed jacob there we
got to learn more about this [ __ ]
blessing i mean he got named israel
which is you know like the name of the
country that the jews lived in right or
live in i'm sorry right he lived
jacob named the place peniel which means
face of god for he said i have seen god
face to face yet my life has been spared
the sun was rising as jacob left peniel
and he was limping because of the injury
to his hip i pit even today the people
of israel don't eat the tendon near the
hip socket because of what happened that
night when the man strained the tendon
that was such an odd story that was
weird right and like completely just
like what's the what was even the thing
that appeared out of nowhere and like is
lay bans people that came after them is
they already made the covenant so they
shouldn't have been coming after them
people might be over there but they
didn't say that or is it god or is it
one of god's men like i'm just confused
right who is this dude it's just
completely random he just showed up
like i get how he sent his wives across
the river and stayed in the camp by
himself that was cool i get you right
he's protecting everybody he's gonna
just greet his brother on his own and
then this random dude just comes up in
it oh yeah and they started wrestling
okay that's so weird like there was no
greeting no you know ho there right
stranger straight to wrestling and
dislocating the hips yeah
let's see if they clear it up in the
next chapter okay so we're we're going
to 32 now huh no that was 32. oh i'm
sorry 33. 33. my bad you know i can't
keep track of [ __ ] you can't keep track
of [ __ ] sir all right we'll see you guys
genesis chapter 33 jacob and esau
oh i guess it's always fun the the
lead-ins always give you like this
basically they give it away yeah they're
like you know they don't leave anything
for imagination they're just like this
is what's gonna happen i mean it's a
summary of what's to come yeah so at
least we can keep up sure
okay then jacob looked up and saw esau
coming with his 400 men so he divided
the children among leah rachel and his
two servant wives he put the servant
wives and their children at the front
leah and her children next and rachel
then jacob apparently still loves rachel
the best yeah okay and his favorite son
then jacob went on ahead as he
approached his brother he bowed to the
ground seven times before him seven not
eight just seven more than six right
then esau ran to meet him and embraced
him threw his arms around his neck and
kissed him and they both wept guess all
let's see how it goes okay then esau
looked at the women and children and
asked who are these people with you
these are the children god has
graciously given to me your servant
jacob replied then the servant wives
came forward with their children and
bowed before him next came guess who
leah my bad after the servant wives and
their children oh wow then came leah
with her children right right and they
bowed before and then rachel
i gotta go i got it finally joseph and
rachel came forward and bowed before him
and what were all the flocks and herds i
met as i came esau asked jacob replied
they are a gift my lord to ensure your
my brother i have plenty esau answered
keep what you have for yourself but
no if i have found favor with you please
accept this gift from me and what a
relief to see your friendly smile it is
like seeing the face of god
arrogant and silly and gross because
they're twins right right
narcissist much right please take this
gift i have brought you for god has been
very gracious to me and i have more than
enough and because jacob insisted esau
finally accepted the gift
well esau said let's be going i will
but jacob replied you can see my lord
that some of the children are very young
and the flocks and herds have their
young too if they have driven too hard
even for one day all the animals could
please my lord go ahead of your servant
we will follow slowly at a pace that is
comfortable for all the livestock and
children i will meet you at ser
all right esau said but at least let me
assign some of my men to guide and
or guard his flocks that he just got
i mean his brother his brother was kind
of sneaky when he was younger so this
sounds like we're missing some subtext
right because then jacob responded
that's not necessary it's enough that
you've received me warmly my lord
there is something going on here that we
are missing it feels that way doesn't it
yeah i mean i'm just saying he was
pretty damn sneaky when he was younger
so like yeah esau might be like i don't
know what is this what's going on yeah
i know i might be that way i'd be like
uh what's with all the niceties here
buddy yeah like like when you bring your
wife flowers the first thing the wife
says is what did you do ray right right
so esau turned around and started back
to sarah that same day jacob on the
other hand traveled on to succus
there he built himself a house
damn and made shelters for his livestock
that is why the place was named suckath
so we went to sukkoth and said i'm going
to name this place suckas we should name
our house sucka our house is successful
later having traveled all the way from
jacob arrived safely at the town of
shechem in the land of canaan there he
set up camp outside the town jacob
jacob bought the plot of land where he
camped from the family of haymore
the father of shesham for 100 pieces of
silver and there he built an altar and
well like he built a house just in a
camp that he stopped at right he's like
i'm just going to build a house you know
whatever as as one does yeah just you
know traveling around travel around
let's just build a house here huh yeah
we only need it for a few days but uh
whatever wait i thought he was going to
his brother's place but he stopped
i mean but what did building a house
back then i mean was it a tent-ish type
thing with maybe like some
fortifications around it or built it
he built a structure to sleep in for the
night right they said he built a [ __ ]
house right i mean if we dug into every
you have to dig into like every sentence
because it's like it's all so weird but
i do i do find it strange like he's on
his way to his brother's place and he's
like no you go ahead i'll catch up right
and then like along the way he builds a
[ __ ] house yeah that's weird
like and then he lives there like are
and what is time in the bible because
like they never like it could have been
like months that passed right like is he
saying you go on ahead i'll catch up
because that's what they don't ever
define is like what kind of time passed
here yeah i'm just i'm really confused
and i feel like there should have been
more description there i mean maybe it
was a really long journey maybe it was
like a year-long journey to get to where
they were going in which case why'd they
stop and build a [ __ ] house well
maybe winter was coming or something who
knows maybe it was but we couldn't know
i know do they have cold winters over
there in that part of the world i don't
know [ __ ] i mean it's that whole middle
east area that i don't know anything
maybe they're in the mountains
i don't i don't know i i don't know
either i just still feel like it's weird
that you're like i'll be there in a
minute and then i built a house i just
there's they just i mean people
wrestling people out of nowhere
and house is being built for no apparent
reason and don't eat the hip joint and
donate the hip joint and it's just like
there's just so many random things that
get thrown into these stories that it's
if i if i if i stopped a question at all
i'd drive myself mad well
i am stopping and i am questioning and
that's yet to be determined
but whatever that was the end of the
chapter though it sure was okay well i
today is thursday right so we will see
you guys next tuesday yes sir for
chapters genesis chapters 34 and 35. all
um is there a way for people to contact
they can uh get on our twitter account
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don't want to just look it up in a
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now you know why sacrilegious underscore
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