[Transcription is auto-generated and may not be perfect]
0:05
hey you welcome to sacrilegious
discourse i'm husband i'm wife and
together we're reading the bible
starting with genesis and eventually
ending with revelations we're working
through every book and offering our
atheist two cents four shekels yeah
we're asking questions and pointing out
all the nonsense we aren't academics or
scholars nope in fact when it comes to
religion we really don't know anything
what we've learned so far is that god's
a dick oh he really is isn't he if
you're interested in how we reached this
startling conclusion maybe start from
episode one otherwise jump in anywhere
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hey husband hey wife do you remember
what happened last time i'm gonna shock
you maybe oh yeah um so i think that
uh jacob wrestled some random dude in
yeah and he met up with his brother esau
with he had an army of like 400 people
coming at him and he offered him all
and then he lined up all of his wives in
and stuff like that is that about right
that is did you read i didn't i didn't i
just remembered actually oh my god
i'm really kind of baffled i don't know
what happened there it's uh
so so yeah that all happened that all
happened did i miss anything um the hip
bone oh yeah it's connected to the
stupid bone yes that one yeah
yeah got it that is all that happened
this is our first time for everything
you know i i just kind of don't know
where to go with that i was not
expecting that that's why i did it
all right so what are we talking about
today we are going to talk about genesis
chapters 34 and 35. awesome let's do
hey wife yes husband did you know that
um yes because you told me but also no
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genesis chapter 34 the defilement of
dinah avenged defilement of dinah huh
i don't want to blow my horn i was going
to say that dang it i'd beat you to it
one day dinah the daughter of jacob and
she's the dog one oh yeah the one
without the sparkle yeah she kept hoping
that he would like her after this kid
and then the next kid and then the next
kid and then the next kid and then the
one day dinah the daughter of jacob and
leah went to visit some of the young
women who lived in the area but when the
local prince shesham son of hamor and
hivite saw dinah he seized her and raped
her but he didn't blow a horn jesus
christ but he seized her and raped her i
mean we knew there was more rape coming
had to be but then he fell in love with
her of course i mean i always fall in
love with people i rape don't you
don't worry i don't rape people i'm just
gonna say that that's gross
don't don't yeah that wasn't even funny
sorry let's do a rewind on
what are you supposed to say when they
just rape people left and right and then
they fall in love with them it's just
but then he fell in love with her and he
tried to win her affection with tender
words he said to his father hey more
get me this young girl i want to marry
i think they're confusing lust with love
always once again always it's always
confused in this book yeah soon jacob
heard that shesham had defiled his
daughter dinah but since his sons were
out in the fields hurting his livestock
he said nothing until they returned
yeah yeah hey moore shesham's father
came to discuss the matter with jacob
meanwhile jacob's sons had come in from
the field as soon as they heard what had
happened they were shocked and furious
that their sister had been raped as
while they should be they should be
shesham had done a disgraceful thing
against jacob's family something that
should never be done obviously right
hamor tried to speak with jacob and his
my son shesham is truly in love with
your daughter he said please let him
marry her in fact let's arrange other
marriages too you give us your daughters
for our sons and we will give you our
and you may live among us the land is
open to you settle here and trade with
us and feel free to buy property in the
what i don't i have no comments i know i
don't really either i mean where do you
where do you go from bartering away a
rape yeah like oh sorry yeah that was
bad but can we do a do-over because you
know after he raped her he he found out
just seconds after just seconds
immediately that's some good punani oh
i can't believe you said that
let those words never escape your lips
then sheshim himself spoke to dinah's
please be kind to me and let me marry
her he begged i will give you whatever
you ask no matter what dowry or gift you
demand i will gladly pay it just give me
but since shesham had defiled their
sister dinah jacob's sons responded
deceitfully to shesham and his father
amore they said to him we couldn't
possibly allow this because you're not
circumcised it would be a disgrace for
our sister to marry a man like you
yeah yeah that's the problem he's not
circumcised not the fact that he's a
disgusting [ __ ] rape right yeah i
mean wouldn't you be beating the crap
but here is a solution if every man
among you will be circumcised like we
are then we will give you our daughters
and we'll take your daughters for
so chop your wieners and i see where
this is going do you yeah we will live
among you and become one people but if
you don't agree to be circumcised we
will take her and be on our way
that's that's the whole punishment yeah
they're either going to be on their way
or they have to get the ends of their
dicks chopped off yeah okay and this is
where people um like down south
when their daughters get raped they try
to marry them off to the rapist
this is where that comes from got it i i
hate well and you know double bonus
they're converting them at the same time
you know god's word and all this stuff i
hate this book so hard right it's sick
hamor and his son shesham agreed of
course to the proposal because of course
they did what option well they could
have let him go i guess right but he
loved her yeah so you know yeah
shesham wasted no time in acting on this
request for he wanted jacob's daughter
desperately like you said it must have
grab the closest knife and whack that
right off huh shesham was a highly
respected member of his family and he
went with his father heymore to present
this proposal to the leaders at the town
these men are our friends they said
let's invite them to live here among us
and trade freely look the land is large
enough to hold them we can take their
daughters as wives and let them marry
ours but they will consider staying here
and becoming one people with us only if
all our men are circumcised just as they
are but if we do this all their
livestock and possessions will
come let's agree to their terms and let
them settle here among us
so all the men in the town council
agreed with haymore and cheshire because
you know why not and every male in the
town was circumcised that's it's you
know easy just let's just chop this [ __ ]
off so we can marry some girls
i'm so filled with rage and ire and i i
hate this book who just agrees to go get
let's get circumcised sure that sounds
i mean i i don't know how well i mean
you don't have a wiener so but like
if somebody came to me as an adult and
you really should get that done i'd be
like are you knocking me out for this
[ __ ] because that's about the only way
i'm going through with this so yeah late
and and at that i've lived my whole life
without having this done so why right
like there's no question they're just
like yeah let's chop that [ __ ] off okay
yeah sure why not weird yeah
but three days later when their wounds
were still sore two of jacob's sons levi
and simon who were dinah's full brothers
took their swords and entered the town
without opposition oh [ __ ] oh
okay i mean this is better this is a
little better good [ __ ] then they
slaughtered every male there including
including haymore and his son cheshire
made them chop their wieners and then
i'm that's some good [ __ ] right there
okay i don't condone murder right but
and freud is real i mean these were
different times you know yeah like there
wasn't really like a court to handle
[ __ ] yeah so do you know what shot and
freud is uh no i've heard it before but
i don't know it is enjoying the downfall
of others okay okay and yes it is real
currently right i am loving this yeah i
mean as far as bible justice goes yeah
there's some good [ __ ] yeah they killed
them with their swords then took dinah
from shechem's house and returned to
meanwhile the rest of jacob's sons
arrived finding the men slaughtered they
plundered the town because their sister
had been defiled there i mean why not
right they're all dead ted what you
they seized all the flocks and herds and
donkeys everything they could lay their
hands on both inside the town and
outside in the fields they looted all
their wealth and plundered their houses
i wonder what god thinks of this though
they also took all their little children
and wives and led them away as captives
yeah that's less that's okay okay yeah
afterward jacob said to simon and levi
you have ruined me you've made me stink
among all the people of this land among
all the canaanites and parasites we are
so few that they will join forces and
crush us i will be ruined and my entire
household will be wiped out
but why should we let him treat our
sister like a prostitute they retorted
angrily a little late now
they already killed them all yeah i mean
i mean what are you gonna do yeah but i
mean the i think that they were oh that
was the end by the way but i think that
the the brothers were in the right there
insofar as that's how this land is set
up right yeah i mean i'm like why are
god's backing so like yeah i mean i
don't know he might not you're not
supposed to kill people so like that
might not he hasn't said necessarily
that well god seems to be less hands-on
at this point so yeah like whatever i
mean you know they kind of deserved it
it's all kind of wishy-washy willy-nilly
anyway they didn't deserve it sometimes
back then but now that sound this time
they deserved it maybe maybe
in so far as these lands were set up
okay well maybe there's gonna be a war
now or something huh i don't know i'm
eager to see where it goes though right
all right so uh moving on to the next
chapter then after this right yep all
right 35. i'll see you guys in a second
and we're back chapter 35 god blesses
jacob at bethel so this doesn't sound
like war it does not does it no and it
sounds like god maybe wasn't that upset
a blessing doesn't sound like upset yeah
then god said to jacob get ready and
move to bethel and settle there build an
altar there to the god who appeared to
you when you fled from your brother esau
that wait is that the wrestling guy
the god oh the god that appeared to oh
oh oh that was when he was moving out to
his uncle's land later yeah yeah okay
he's like sorry to the god yeah yeah the
god that god that appeared to you me
so confusing i know right so jacob told
everyone in his household get rid of all
your pagan idols purify yourselves and
put on clean clothing oh remember his uh
rachel rachel took those idols yeah i
wonder if that's gonna come back into
if if jacob if chekhov's gun means
anything it will come back to play
so jacob told oh i just read that blah
blah blah bill okay we are now going to
bethel where i will build an altar to
the god who answered my prayers when i
was in distress he has been with me
wherever i have gone so they gave jacob
all their pagan idols and earrings
random and he buried them under the
great tree near shechem as they set out
a terror from god spread over the people
in all the towns of that area a terror
from god so no one attacked jacob's
family oh okay okay a terror from god
spread across the people so i guess that
saved them from all those people that
would have been mad that they killed
that whole family yeah and their friends
and stuff and then enslaved their
after having chopped their wieners after
chopping their wieners so they're good
yeah okay because god's on their side
yeah right that's lucky that's lucky
eventually jacob and his household
arrived arrived at luz also called
bethel in canaan jacob built an altar
there and named the place el bethel
which means god of bethel because god
had appeared to them had appeared to him
there when he was fleeing from his
soon after this rebecca's old nurse
deborah died she was buried beneath the
oak tree in the valley below bethel ever
since the tree has been called alan
bakuth which means oak of weeping
now that is a weeping willow
i mean is a weeping willow an oak no so
now that jacob had returned from padan
aram or bananarama no panama ram
god appeared to him again at bethel god
blessed him saying your name is jacob
but you will not be called jacob any
longer oh i hate this renaming [ __ ] from
now on your name will be israel
oh he already did that yeah somebody
else was it god i thought somebody else
did that for him yes oh it was the
oh i thought remember the wrestling guy
said you will be because you wrestled
whatever and you'll be now from now on
known as israel i thought that god
already told him that it was the
wrestling guy the wrestling guy said
that yeah but that might have been god
because i remember it was so random and
weird yeah it was random and weird but
he already somebody already told him
that he was gonna be called israel okay
so god renamed him israel again again
then god said i am el shaddai god
almighty be fruitful and multiply you
will become a great nation even many
why did you laugh because he said be
fruitful and multiply it's one of those
catch phrases i know that and the many
nations [ __ ] right it's just like
he only has so many sentences that he
says you know be fruitful and multiply
many nations do these things when i hear
um be fruitful and multiply i always
think live long and prosper
definitely kings will be among your
descendants and i will give you the land
i once gave to abraham and isaac yes i
will give it to you and your descendants
then god went up from the place where he
had spoken to jacob jacob set up a stone
pillar to mark the place where god had
spoken to him then he poured wine over
it as an offering to god and anointed
the pillar with olive oil
waste olive oil but that's a waste of
good alcohol it is right maybe it's like
pouring one out for you know that's an
irish thing yeah isn't it i mean it's
it's been used in multiple cultures i
it's you know for your fallen friend or
i mean not that god's fallen but you
know okay it's a thing so he poured wine
and olive oil that's just a bad mix i
mean they're rich right yeah who cares
and jacob named the place bethel which
means house of god because god had
spoken to him there i thought it was
already called bethel yeah and it had
another name luz or whatever yeah so
whatever i don't know he named bethel
everything apparently has two names
jacob israel um you know the other guy
whatever everybody has two names
apparently the death of rachel
did she keep an idol i don't know what's
leaving bethel jacob and his clan moved
on toward ephrath but rachel went into
labor while they were still some
distance away her labor pains were
intense after a very hard delivery the
midwife finally exclaimed don't be
afraid you have another son
rachel was about to die but with her
last breath she named the baby benawai
which means son of my sorrow
the baby's father however called him
benjamin which means son of my right
so rachel died and was buried on the way
to ephrath that is bethlehem
jacob set up a stone monument over
rachel's grave and it can be seen there
then jacob traveled on and camped beyond
mig doll a deer that's interesting that
they end that they're at bethlehem yeah
because obviously that comes up later
right so in the new testament right
right many many books from now sure but
it's already a place right it's already
while he was living there reuben had
and jacob soon heard about it these are
the names of the twelve sons of jacob
the sons of leah were reuben jacob's
oldest son simon levi judah is a and
zebulon the sons of rachel were joseph
the sons of billah rachel's servant were
dan and nephtali the son of zilpah leah
leah's servant were gad and asher these
are the names of the sons who were born
to jacob at padan aram bananarama
isaac so jacob returned to his father
coriatharba now called hebron where
abraham and isaac had both lived as
isaac lived for 180 years then he
breathed his last and died at a ripe old
age joining his ancestors and death and
his sons esau and jacob buried him the
i mean you know technically it's not a
ripe old age compared to those like 500
and 700 years that people used to live
and stuff yeah i guess but it's longer
than what they i still want to know
where we are in the whole like in the
timeline humans should not live past 120
things yeah like are they getting
um treatment because they're the the
chosen people or whatever
but because i thought after i thought
that the other was done with that yeah
you know the the long life thing
they're now referring to 180 years as a
long life whereas it didn't used to be a
long life right but it's still longer
than what he said you know what i mean
yeah it's still longer than the 120 but
not long like long long comparatively
speaking right right so yeah i'm just it
bothers me because i'm like it's not con
there's no continuity and so it's hard
to know like am i supposed to be
impressed i don't know right because you
know compared to how old we live now
sure that's [ __ ] impressive yeah but
ages that people lived to in the bible
in the bible you know hypothetically
this is what it is isaac's dead rachel's
dead everybody's dead whatever baby
fucker's dead the great people like
their whole [ __ ] town and family's
dead i'm glad of that honestly i mean
you know it's better than the
alternative yeah so i would hate to be
married off to my rapist yeah that would
be pretty shitty that's disgusting and i
hate it when people do that to their
daughters definitely [ __ ] yeah those
fathers that do that and the mothers too
they deserve to have their genitals
for doing that to their child right no i
don't that to me is worse than the guy
that raped her in the first place right
say that you have been raped therefore
that is disgusting well the only way to
fix it is to marry you off to the guy
who made you such a disgusting [ __ ]
well but women were considered lesser
and and even in society still today i
think at some in some cultures even in
the united states are considered lesser
it's often been the case that people
view it as partly the one
or maybe even a large part the woman's
fault because she was too pretty
yeah because men are monkeys and
they can't they can't be held
accountable right right they can't help
themselves obviously just for the record
we don't agree with that like that's
absolutely but oh well you know what
here's here's my thing and i've made
this argument before and i know we're
going off track a little bit here i am
willing to believe that men are monkeys
who cannot help themselves but as such
that makes men complete and utter
in positions of authority they cannot
drive they cannot vote they cannot leave
their home they have to do all of the
housework and they have to do the menial
things because they're animals they're
[ __ ] monkeys so i'm just i'm just
saying i have zero problem if that's the
road you want to take i can't help
myself i was so tempted that's fine
can no longer vote and drive they are
[ __ ] monkeys they said so they can't
like i said we don't agree
well i agree with one or the [ __ ]
other and they need to pick a side and
get there either they're animals in
i don't any longer have to listen to any
they are responsible and they're merely
choose to do the naughty things that
that's all that's all you're getting a
little worked up so i just i was that's
why i paused for a second i was letting
you like realize that you're going off
so well it's a sore subject with me and
probably with most women i would imagine
quite certain especially when you have
to believe in not not us but when people
have to believe in religions where women
are just nothing yeah so that's [ __ ]
all right well join us next week for
yeah we'll be reading genesis chapters
husband yes wife um is there a way for
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