[Transcription is auto-generated and may not be perfect]
0:05
hey you welcome to sacrilegious
discourse i'm husband i'm wife and
together we're reading the bible
starting with genesis and eventually
ending with revelations we're working
through every book and offering our
atheist two cents four shekels yeah
we're asking questions and pointing out
all the nonsense we aren't academics or
scholars nope in fact when it comes to
religion we really don't know anything
what we've learned so far is that god's
a dick oh he really is isn't he if
you're interested in how we reached this
startling conclusion maybe start from
episode one otherwise jump in anywhere
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husband yeah wife why were we late
also i had a promotion this week so like
i like to think that instead of we suck
life events happened that got in the way
and they were good so we also god must
be on our side right oh my gosh okay but
let's be honest we also um we watched
the president know the vice presidential
debates there was that and that put us
off i mean the fly was very distracting
that put us off our recording schedule
and then your schedule changed yeah yeah
we had a lot of [ __ ] this week sorry
this is um on an odd day just to get us
back on schedule yeah and we should be
back on schedule for tuesdays and
thursdays going forward yep sorry sorry
and um do you remember what happened
last episode not even a little bit so
joseph almost got raped by potiphar's
joseph almost got raped by potter oh
that's right and then he went to jail
because he was yeah right or right yeah
i mean that's basically the gist of what
happened okay so now we are going to be
reading genesis chapters 40 and 41. all
right let's get to it okey-dokey
hey wife yes husband did you know that
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okey dokey so we're still on the story
of joseph all right okay genesis chapter
40 joseph interprets the prisoners
dreams because you know he's in jail
sometime later pharaoh's chief cup
bearer and chief baker offended their
royal master darryl became angry with
these two officials and he put them in
the prison where joseph was in the
palace of the captain of the guard
they remained in prison for quite some
time and the captain of the guard
assigned them to joseph who looked after
them can you imagine if you had a boss
that just really got angry at you and
you went to jail for it i mean it's suck
it seems kind of like trump wants to be
that way well yeah but i'm just saying
that would be a shitty job it would but
i mean joseph's like i'm in jail but i'm
still awesome because he's in charge of
him yeah yeah so i mean as long as
you're going to go to jail anyway at
least he's got a good job but those two
guys like went to jail because of their
boss i'm like that sucks but they're
under the care of joseph so are they
really in jail i don't know
i mean it sounds like they're really in
i don't know according to the musical
they could like slide through the bars
while they were in prison pharaoh's
cupbearer and baker each had a dream one
night and each dream had its own meaning
like if this was in the bookstore today
you know like those dream dictionaries
we totally poo poo and make fun of those
things but no it's in the bible so it's
okay right right i mean obviously
joseph's dreams are more important than
any other humans on the planet right
but i'm just saying like the
like most of us think of that as
new age nonsense but christians in
particular think of it as like
nonsense or at worst the devil's work
but there's a lot of those books so
obviously we find some fascination in
this i know i just i think it's funny
yeah that it went back this far it did
when joseph saw them the next morning he
noticed that they both looked upset
why do you look so worried today he
asked them and they replied we both had
dreams last night but no one can tell us
what they mean do you think they both
said that exact same thing at that exact
same time i'd like to imagine they did
interpreting dreams is god's business
joseph replied go ahead and tell me your
is he implying that he's god i don't
know what he's deploying but that was
so the chief cupbearer told joseph his
dream first in my dream he said i saw a
grapevine in front of me the vine had
three branches that began to bud and
blossom and soon it produced clusters of
ripe grapes i was holding pharaoh's wine
cup in my hand so i took a cluster of
grapes and squeezed the juice into the
cup then i placed the cup in barrow's
this is what the dream means joseph said
the three branches represent three days
within three days pharaoh will lift you
up and restore you to your position as
his chief cup bearer and please remember
me and do me a favor when things go well
mention me to pharaoh so he might let me
out of this place for i was kidnapped
from my homeland the land of the hebrews
and now i'm here in prison but i did
nothing to deserve it you know he was in
charge so maybe he already knew i wasn't
gonna be released in three days and he's
like how can i make this work right like
how many branches did you say
yeah i was wondering that too when the
chief baker saw that joseph had given
the first stream such a positive
interpretation he said to joseph i had a
no kidding because you guys already said
that right at the same time right
in my dream there were three baskets of
white pastry stuck in my head stuck on
three baskets of white pastries stacked
boy i tried to screw that up the top
basket contained all kinds of pastries
for pharaoh but the birds came and ate
them from the basket on my head oh what
a bunch of [ __ ] birds this is what
the dream means joseph told him the
three baskets also represent three days
three days from now pharaoh will lift
you up and impale your body on a pole oh
birds will come and peck away at your
flesh oh [ __ ] like what the hell did the
gotta wonder if maybe um potiphar's wife
what does that have to do with the
but anyway the baker's [ __ ] yeah
baker's [ __ ] that's sad would you want
pharaoh's birthday came three days later
and he prepared a banquet for all his
officials and staff he summoned his
chief cupbearer and chief baker to join
the other officials come out of jail for
just a second bake me some [ __ ] he can
make wine and go wine glasses and then
get your ass back to jail
well he's going to apparently kill one
of them and release one of them though
he then restored the chief cup bearer to
his former position so he could again
hand pharaoh his cup but pharaoh impaled
the chief baker just as joseph had
predicted when he interpreted his dream
why i want to know why i know this is
very what did he do right like that
pharaoh's chief cupbearer however forgot
all about joseph never giving him a
second thought a dick the end
that was chapter 40. okay all right well
you got impaled another dude fills cups
again yay and joseph has forgotten
poor joseph but really yeah
all right i guess let's go find out what
happens in chapter 41. all right let's
genesis chapter 41 joseph interprets
pharaoh's dream well how did he didn't
get out so whatever i guess we'll find
out i'll find out i need to shut up now
you need to shut up now two full years
later oh damn pharaoh dreamed that he
was standing on the bank of the nile
river in his dream he saw seven fat
healthy cows come up out of the river
and begin grazing in the marsh grass
then he saw seven more cows come up
behind them from the nile but these were
scrawny and thin these cows stood beside
the fat cows on the riverbank then the
scrawny thin cows eat the seven healthy
fat cows oh damn at this point in the
dream pharaoh woke up yeah i would too
that sounds like a nightmare not a dream
yeah yikes but he fell asleep again and
had a second dream this time he saw
seven heads of grain plump and beautiful
glowing on a single stalk
then seven more heads of grain appeared
but these were shriveled and withered by
the east wind did they eat the other
ones that's a bad question oh [ __ ] and
these thin heads swallowed up the seven
i didn't know that heads of grain could
swallow that's interesting
then pharaoh woke up again and realized
it was a dream holy [ __ ] pharaoh been
weird dreams he been drinking too much
of that wine maybe the wine cupbearer
needs to go back to jail you can get
the next morning pharaoh was very
disturbed by the dreams as well he
should be yeah so he called for all the
magicians and wise men of egypt when
pharaoh told them of his dreams not one
of them could tell him what they meant
finally the king's chief cupbearer spoke
today i have been reminded of my failure
he told pharaoh some time ago you were
angry with the chief baker in me and you
imprisoned us in the palace of the
captain of the guard one night the chief
baker and i each had a dream and each
dream had its own meaning there was a
young hebrew man with us in the prison
who was a slave of the captain of the
guard we told him our dreams and he told
us what each of our dreams meant and
everything happened just as he predicted
i was restored to my position as cup
bear and the chief baker was executed
and impaled on a pole yikes
pharaoh sent for joseph at once and he
was quickly brought before or i'm sorry
brought from the prison after he shaved
and changed his clothes he went in and
stood before pharaoh i'm glad he took a
shower first that's very important
then pharaoh said to joseph i had a
dream last night and no one here can
tell me what it means but i have heard
that when you hear about a dream you can
it is beyond my power to do this joseph
replied but god can tell you what it
means and set you at ease why does he
keep saying that and then he just goes
ahead and interprets the dream no it
is he stupid is this like a fancy way of
saying god works through me it's not me
doing maybe maybe but still it's a
really it's a shitty way of saying that
i wonder if it has to do with the
interpretation that we're reading or if
so pharaoh told joseph his dream
oh stop throwing stuff at the cat she's
maybe she just wants some attention
we're younger than her cat on a podcast
whoa i mean she's being irritating
during a podcast being an [ __ ] well
she really is yeah all right being an
[ __ ] we're trying to read we're
reading the bible god damn it
animal cat we love you all right back to
the bible so pharaoh told joseph his
dream in my dream he said oh i gotta
hear it again i you know how i hate
repetitiveness right i was standing on
the bank of the nile river and i saw
seven fat healthy cows come up out of
the river and began grazing in the marsh
grass but then i saw seven sick looking
cow scrawny and thin come up after them
i've never seen such sorry looking
animals in all the land of egypt i guess
these thin scrawny cows ate the seven
but afterwards you wouldn't have known
it for they were still as thin and
scrawny as before then i woke up well at
least he's changing up his words and not
being completely right it's a little bit
different yeah in my dream i also saw
seven heads of green full and beautiful
growing on a single stalk then seven
more green heads of grain appeared but
these were blighted shriveled and
withered by the east wind and the
shriveled heads swallowed the seven
healthy heads i told these dreams to the
magicians but no one could tell me what
joseph responded both of pharaoh's
dreams mean the same thing god is
telling pharaoh in advance what he is
the seven healthy cows and the seven
grains of head heads of grain
both represent seven years of prosperity
the seventh do you not know this story
i've heard sort of yeah yeah you saw the
i don't remember [ __ ] about [ __ ]
it's true you really don't
the seven thins granny cows that came up
later and the seven thin heads of green
withered by the east wind
represent seven years of famine
this will happen just as i have
described it for god has revealed to
pharaoh in advance what he is about to
do the next seven years will be a period
of great prosperity throughout the land
of egypt but afterward there will be
seven years of famine so great that all
the prosperity will be forgotten in
egypt famine will destroy the land
this famine ah they kept made me lose my
this famine will be so severe that even
the memory ow and then she bit me god
i'm trying to read the bible you [ __ ]
this famine will be so severe that even
the memory of the good years will be
erased as for having two similar dreams
it means that these events have been
decreed by god and he will soon make
so when you have two similar dreams that
means that he's like trying to emphasize
a point and i'm asking this because i
have had multiple dreams of my teeth
falling out yeah no i don't really think
that's the way things work i don't
either but also i have to mention that
there were no cats harmed in the making
of this reading of the bible no not at
therefore pharaoh should find an
intelligent and wise man and put him in
charge of the entire land of egypt this
is the part of in the film where joseph
is pointing to himself and right he's
then pharaoh should appoint supervisors
over the land and let them collect
one-fifth of all the crops during the
seven good years have them gather all
the food produced in the good years that
are just ahead and bring it to pharaoh's
storehouses store it away and guard it
so there will be food in the cities that
way there will be enough to eat when the
seven years of famine come to the land
of egypt otherwise this famine will
destroy the land sounds like a solid
plan right plan ahead budget i mean it
sounds like a solid plan regardless
right there's gonna be a famine or not
yeah i mean you should always like put
money away for a rainy day yeah like duh
joseph is made ruler over egypt same
part same chapter got it okay
joseph's suggestions were well received
by pharaoh and his officials i mean why
wouldn't they be they're logical so
pharaoh asked his officials can we find
anyone else like this man so obviously
filled with the spirit of god
then pharaoh said to joseph since god
has revealed the meaning of the dreams
to you clearly no one else is as
intelligent or wise as you are
that is bad math but apparently it's not
intelligence according to joseph it's
i mean god gave the dream and then god
gave the interpretation right whatever
you will be in charge of my court and
all my people will take orders from you
only i sitting on my throne will have a
pharaoh said to joseph i hereby put you
in charge of the entire land of [ __ ]
egypt it means dude just came from jail
and you're like in charge of all of
egypt like did you even ask what he went
to jail for right and be like and don't
wives then pharaoh removed his
sig signet senior pigment signet ring
from his hand and placed it on joseph's
finger he dressed him in fine linen
clothing and hung a gold chain around
then he had joseph ride in the chariot
reserved for his second-in-command
damn i wonder who was second in command
before this because i'd think they'd be
pretty pissed i would be pissed if that
was me i could tell you my dude just
came out of jail and i'm getting
replaced by this [ __ ] but for
all we know i mean this this whole thing
is such a flim flam that maybe that guy
could be but you know wouldn't you be
thinking like if i just told him
something about some [ __ ] dream i
could stay in place and i'd be fine
right but no that's that this [ __ ]
now he's telling him until his dreams
mean until until you have something
wrong yeah i mean that's that's the
thing then you end up on a stake yeah
that's probably what happened
and wherever joseph went the command was
shouted kneel down so pharaoh put joseph
in charge of all g egypt wow
and pharaoh said to him i am pharaoh but
no one will lift a hand or foot in the
entire land of egypt without your
approval damn damn then pharaoh gave
joseph a new egyptian name
i think i'll stick with joe i mean
you gotta read it like it's red just you
zephaniah i mean whatever
he also gave him a wife whose name was
oh that's a really cool name what was
his name his name rhymed with that it
was a smith hold on zaphanaf and asinaf
that's awesome that is awesome
the priest of on oh i was thinking like
potiphar like the guy that like threw
so joseph took charge of the entire land
of egypt he was 30 years old when he
began serving in the court of pharaoh
the king of egypt and when joseph left
pharaoh's presence he inspected the
entire land of egypt as predicted for
seven years the land produced bumper
crops during these years joseph gathered
all the crops grown in egypt and stored
the grain from the surrounding fields in
the cities he piled up huge amounts of
grain like sand on the seashore however
where have we heard that before like all
then he stopped keeping records because
there was too much to measure
you can't count that high bruh sounds
like a i mean it sounds like you're just
asking for people to steal from you
right you can't keep track of it take a
little off the top nobody'll notice
because he can't count this [ __ ] high
exactly during this time before the
first of the famine years two sons were
born to joseph and his wife azanath the
daughter of potiphara potiphara the
joseph named his older son manasseh for
he said god has made me forget all my
troubles and everyone in my father's
family so joseph named his second son
ephraim for he said god has made me
fruitful in this land of my grief
at last the seven years of bumper crops
throughout the land of egypt came to an
end then the seven years of famine began
just as joseph had predicted the famine
also struck all the surrounding
countries but throughout egypt there was
plenty of food it almost sounds like
they invented socialism and it worked
imagine i know right yeah where
everybody plans ahead together as a
community and then everybody here
everybody yeah yeah imagine that could
be nice i mean because you know
you know paying your taxes so that we
can have things like 9-1-1 and and
whatever roads that don't have yeah
rules yeah that doesn't work out very
well buildings that are built up to code
and right fresh air and clean water so i
mean i i think we've talked about this
before there's there's a lot of
socialist ideas in the bible which is
kind of cool it's very interesting i
wonder if christians know um
you wouldn't think so no it doesn't
appear that they do i don't think they
do maybe i don't i don't really think
that they understand much about what
no other than it sounds like it's too
close to communism yeah i was gonna say
like every time i hear somebody go off
about socialism they're like freaking
out that it's like the devil and it's
communism and those you know pinky
bastards and yeah there's definitely
some misconceptions especially amongst
christians about what socialism is it's
almost like they didn't read their own
[ __ ] book i don't think that
they did i think that we have now
we probably have read more of the bible
than the majority of christians
on the planet i think so isn't that
interesting it is pretty interesting
eventually however the famine spread
throughout the land of egypt as well and
when the people cried out to pharaoh for
food he told them go to joseph and do
whatever he tells you so with severe
famine everywhere joseph opened up the
storehouses and distributed grain to the
egyptians for the famine was severe
throughout the land of egypt and the
people from all around egypt came to buy
grain from joseph because the famine was
severe throughout the world the end
except that throughout the world means
throughout that part of the continent
that they were aware of right right
and they had to buy it from them so this
doesn't sound very socialist actually no
no it sounds like pharaoh's like hey we
got a money-making scheme here let's use
it yeah we're gonna use god to make
yeah that's less good so that's less
good that's less good i started out
socialist like wait why do we have to um
buy back the food that we gave well we
don't know that they gave them it might
have been the pharaohs crops that they
okay that could have been i don't know
i mean well pharaoh owns the entire land
so all of these people were growing the
food right that belonged to pharaoh
that's fair but maybe he maybe and you
know we don't know the whole story maybe
he bought it from them in the first
place oh shut the [ __ ] up no he did not
he said he said all you surfs and slaves
get out in those [ __ ] fields and go
grow that [ __ ] and i'm gonna take it
from you because it's mine and then if
you want some you can buy it from me
even though you toiled with your hands
that sounds likely but i just you know
i'm just throwing it out there we don't
know exactly whatever i know okay well i
know because men in power are always
greedy [ __ ] bastards all right they
that's it for today okay is that it for
today yeah that's it for today i wasn't
stopping you you can go on a rant longer
if you want i mean it's basically just
men's sock the end right i know you've
mentioned that before yeah i'm pretty
a lot i'm sorry i'm such a man-hater if
men would just stop sucking so much i
would stop hating them so much
yeah i mean there are good mans you are
and i know a few other good mans i i
know you've told me before it's just
that men in general are shitty okay
i don't want to alienate our audience so
according to the stats it's like 90 men
oh well that's very sad but i'm sorry i
have a good husband because he admits
yeah men are kind of good
i mean right you have said that before i
have said that before and if these
listeners are good men they too will say
lots of men are rapey and gross and
that's too bad certainly in the bible
that's true certainly in the bible
that's true right yeah all right well
we're going to try to stay on track from
here forward again our cat is just fine
yeah she's fine and uh we'll see you
guys in a couple of days yeah we'll see
you tuesday what what all right until
husband yes wife um is there a way for
people to contact us well sure
they can uh get on our twitter account
we have a twitter account we do what is
it it is sacrilegious underscore d
like d for discourse yeah they wouldn't
let me put the whole thing so
i had to shorten it to underscore d i
hate them yeah that's disgusting how do
you spell sacrilegious do you know i
don't wanna just look it up in a
dictionary or something i don't i don't
want to do that right now you know why
sacrilegious underscore d okay cause you
messed it up and i made you fix it
that's why yeah yeah what about an email
sacrilegious discourse at gmail.com oh
well that's easy yeah as long as you
know how to spell sacrilegious right
well definitely get a hold of us let us
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also you could answer some questions
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