[Transcription is auto-generated and may not be perfect]
0:05
hey you welcome to sacrilegious
discourse i'm husband i'm wife and
together we're reading the bible
starting with genesis and eventually
ending with revelations we're working
through every book and offering our
atheist two cents four shekels yeah
we're asking questions and pointing out
all the nonsense we aren't academics or
scholars nope in fact when it comes to
religion we really don't know anything
what we've learned so far is that god's
a dick oh he really is isn't he if
you're interested in how we reached this
startling conclusion maybe start from
episode one otherwise jump in anywhere
hey wife we just got a new sponsor it's
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husband yes wife i know we just recorded
so you should be able to remember yeah
dreams and famine and that's what
happened the last time stuff like that
budgeting budgeting fat cows yeah and
selling the crops back to their people
and stuff yeah yep okay i got it just
checked i can remember a few minutes ago
do we have kitchen trash bags left
what you don't remember that do you no
but you didn't i told you yesterday that
we need to get more kitchen trash bags
you are not going to turn this around on
me but i just did no you didn't because
i didn't let you because this is about
whether you remember pick up toilet
that was not a forget that was because
this sounds like i forget oh my god it
was not a forget you are the forgetter
okay anyway are you ready to do this
yeah what are we doing we are doing
genesis chapters 42 and 43. sounds like
a blast i know i'm excited yep let's do
hey wife yes husband did you know that
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okay so genesis chapter 42. we love 42.
42 is a good number guys should totally
read douglas adams the um hitchhiker's
guide to the galaxy totally the whole
series yeah yeah i mean maybe we're
gonna find the answer to the
question the universe and everything to
the question of the question of life the
universe and everything right and here
probably not because this one's about
joseph's brethren come to egypt for
grain yeah that doesn't sound like the
life or the answer to everything no
not even the question no so long and
you're stupid sorry lots of inside jokes
look up douglas adams they're not that
inside well no i mean but if they
haven't read them then they don't know
what the hell we're talking about well
if they haven't read them then either
they're losers or they're about to
so totally you know you know what you
need to do people read hitchhiker's
when jacob heard that green was
available in egypt he said to his sons
why are you standing around looking at
one another i have your asses to work
yeah yeah i've heard there's grain in
egypt go down there and buy enough grain
to keep us alive otherwise we'll die
i mean yeah like what the [ __ ] you still
doing standing here go to the grocery
store buy the can of green beans and get
your ass back with it or we're going to
that's that's how i do when i'm grocery
shopping right it's life and death all
the time when we go grocery shopping
except that we still need toilet paper
and kitchen way to go babe oops
so joseph's ten older brothers ten ten
it does not take ten people to go
grocery shopping no it doesn't it barely
takes but you know you gotta make a long
trip to bring back a lot of grain for
ten eleven people or whatever plus all
the servants all the wives and all that
[ __ ] yeah yeah i mean i just order from
instacart i don't go anywhere i don't
think they had that back then it's
really really a shame for them yeah
so joseph's 10 older brothers went down
to egypt to buy grain down to egypt but
jacob wouldn't let joseph's younger
brother benjamin go with them for fear
some harm might come to him
he's a cutie pie why is everything
if when you say you're going down
somewhere doesn't that mean you're going
south and then if you say you're going
up somewhere you're going north just
because when you flatten the map but if
you say you're going down to the store
do you necessarily know that the store
down well sometimes i say i'm going up
to the store or like i'm going up to hot
head but what indicates the difference
mood okay mood i just you know
out then i will say i'm going up to such
and such but if i'm already out and i'm
on my way home then i'm like i'm going
to go down to so and so on my way home
why is there any research done into this
like when those terms are used and when
they're not and why they're used i know
why i use them i'd be a little bit
interested into that i like etymology
there's somebody smoking weed right now
listening to this and they're going like
so jacob's sons arrived in egypt along
with others to buy food for the famine
since joseph was governor of all egypt
and in charge of selling grain to all
the people it was to him that his
when they arrived they bowed before him
with their faces to the ground
they didn't recognize him because he was
not fancy with his gold chain i remember
that you've talked about that multiple
times so i remember that it just makes
me wonder like superman puts on glasses
and suddenly he's clark kent and nobody
i mean they didn't seem to like the guy
very much they probably didn't pay a
whole hell of a lot of attention to him
and now he's dressed up as an egyptian
type person so that only mentioned his
chain he's got a gold chain
right right i mean i know in the movie
a thing on his head too but it didn't
cover his [ __ ] face right but they
probably wouldn't have been paying
attention to his face whatever i mean
i'm just saying whatever probably like
up a little ways and like they're you
joseph recognized his brothers instantly
but he pretended to be a stranger and
spoke harshly to them where are you from
he demanded see they're having a [ __ ]
conversation and they don't recognize
him right that's just [ __ ]
yeah okay i saw that you thought about
trying to defend it and you got nothing
where are you from he demanded from the
land of canaan they replied we have come
although joseph recognized his brothers
they didn't recognize him and he
remembered the dreams he'd had about
them many years before he said to them
oh do you remember the dreams he had
about them kind of he basically
envisioned that this was going to happen
bow to him right yeah yeah
you are spies you have come to see how
vulnerable our land has become
no my lord they exclaimed your servants
have simply come to buy food we are all
brothers members of the same family we
are honest men sir we are not spies
yes you are joseph insisted you have
come to see how vulnerable our land has
sir they said there are actually 12 of
us we our servants are all brothers sons
of a man living in the land of canaan
our youngest brother is back there with
our father right now and one of our
brothers is no longer with us hmm oh
they're trying to use joseph to joseph
but joseph insisted as i said you are
spies this is how i will test your story
i swear by the life of pharaoh that you
will never leave egypt unless your
youngest brother comes here one of you
must go and get your brother i'll keep
the rest of you here in prison then
we'll find out whether or not your story
is true by the life of pharaoh if it
turns out that you don't have a younger
brother then i'll know you are spies he
is [ __ ] with them yeah he is that
sounds petty like but i mean
come on they they toss them down well i
know but he's supposed to be like a good
man doing good this is not very
christ-like and i know that we are not
he's supposed to be teaching goodness he
is not okay but if they're following
god's way god is an [ __ ] i mean god
is an [ __ ] so he's just being an
[ __ ] so he's just following god
like a petty little [ __ ] you either have
grace or you don't right and it doesn't
seem to really matter if you're an
[ __ ] or you're not true he just like
picks people right and then you can do
no wrong or if you aren't one of his
you might as well just [ __ ] die it's
so why do you think he's making them go
get their little brother though so that
he's there like he said i think so he's
so joseph put them all in prison for
jesus i mean you get to imprison your
brothers and send them back to go get
their little brother and they've got a
let me just say like me and my sibling
have had some major falls at fallouts
but i would never want to put my sibling
in jail your siblings never tossed you
down a well and sold you into slavery
but you and your sibling like you got
into some like crazy fights when you
were kids yeah but still would you want
to put your sibling in jail no okay
on the third day joseph said to them i
am a god-fearing man if you do as i say
you will live if you are if you really
are honest men choose one of your
brothers to remain in prison the rest of
you may go home with grain for your
starving families but you must bring
your youngest brother back to me this
will prove that you are telling the
truth and you will not die
speaking among themselves they said
clearly we are being punished because of
what we did to joseph long ago we saw
his anguish when he pleaded for his life
but we wouldn't listen that's why we're
didn't i tell you not to sin against the
boy reuben asked but you wouldn't listen
and now we have to answer for his blood
of course they didn't know that joseph
understood them for he had been speaking
to them through an interpreter now he
turned away from them and began to weep
when he regained his composure he spoke
to them again then he chose simon from
among them and had him tied up right
joseph then ordered his servants to fill
the men's sacks with grain but he also
gave secret instructions to return each
to at the top of his sack oh he's giving
them their money back being nice he also
gave them supplies for their journey
so the brothers loaded their donkeys
with the grain and headed for home but
when they stopped for the night and one
of them opened a sack to get grain for
his donkey he found his money at the top
look he exclaimed to his brothers my
money has been returned it's here in my
sack then their heart sank trembling
they said to each other what has god
done to us oh now it might look like
they stole it right right oh [ __ ] and
like are they gonna be honest when they
come back like i think you might like
you gotta be honest about it yeah right
when the brothers came to their father
jacob in the land of canaan they told
him everything that had happened to them
the man who was governor of the land
spoke very harshly to us they told him
he accused us of being spies scouting
the land but we said we are honest men
not spies we are 12 12 brothers sons of
our father one brother is no longer with
us and the youngest is at home with our
father in the land of canaan then the
man who was governor of the land told us
this is how i will find out if you are
honest men leave one of your brothers
here with me and take grain for your
starving families and go on home but you
must bring your youngest brother back to
me then i will know you are honest men
and not spies then i will give you back
your brother and he may trade freely in
the land as they emptied out their sacks
there in each man's sack was the bag of
money he had paid for the grain
the brothers and their father were
terrified when they saw the bags of
exclaimed you are robbing me of my
children joseph is gone simon is gone
and now you want to take benjamin too
everything is going against me
then reuben said to his father you may
kill my two sons if i don't bring
benjamin back to you i'll be responsible
for him and i promise to bring him back
that's pretty harsh like yeah you're
gonna kill his sons because
wow but reuben's a good guy yeah but
like the fact that they would even take
him up on that offer no listen but jacob
replied my son will not go down with you
his brother joseph is dead and he has
all i have left if anything should
happen to him on your journey you would
send this grieving white-haired man to
the end that's sad yeah yeah i don't
even know what to say i don't either
a good story that's a pretty good story
jabs at it so far so yeah i mean you
things have gone thus far right it's
interesting i mean joseph's being petty
but like let's be honest we all enjoy a
little shot in freuda right like right
um you know trump refused to
um wear masks and now he's like oopsie i
got the kovid and we're all a little bit
served you right dumbass right right
yeah so i mean we all enjoy
when karma happens when what comes
around goes around and we're here to see
that's always a nice getting your
comeuppance yeah yeah yeah
all right well let's get on to the next
part of the story huh genesis 43 here we
genesis chapter 43 joseph's brethren
return with benjamin all right but the
famine continued to ravage the land of
canaan when the green they had brought
from egypt was almost gone jacob said to
his sons go back and buy us a little
more food damn they ate all the grain
what go ahead i mean like
no the boys got home to jacob and
jacob's the dad yeah but they had
brought the grain with them
yeah okay and now this is a little while
so so they bought the green in egypt
then they went home to canaan and they
were like we got to bring um benjamin
back with us and jacob the dad was like
and then so they stayed and then they
ate all the grain and now
um jacob's like [ __ ] we're out of grain
go back to egypt and get some more okay
it's a good thing i'm here to interpret
the bible for you it's a good thing yeah
okay so anyway um the green they had
bought was almost gone jacob said to his
sons go back and buy us a little more
food but judah said the man was serious
when he warned us you won't see my face
again unless your brother is with you if
you send benjamin with us we will go
down and buy more food but if you don't
let benjamin go we won't go either
remember the man said you won't see my
face again unless your brother is with
why are you so cruel to me jacob moaned
why did you tell him you had another
the man kept asking us questions about
our family they replied he asked is your
father still alive do you have another
brother so we answered his questions how
could we know he would say bring your
judah said to his father send the boy
with me and we will be on our way
otherwise we will all die of starvation
and not only we but you and your little
ones i personally guarantee his safety
you may hold me responsible if i don't
bring him back to you then let me bear
the blame forever if we hadn't wasted
all this time we could have gone and
returned twice by now isn't one of their
other brothers like being held prisoner
i mean that's shitty this yeah one of
your sons too yeah they just left them
oh well [ __ ] crap right i mean i
would never leave my children hanging
right like i would be like okay we gotta
go so that we can get the other one back
yeah even if it means i might lose you
both i still i have to go right i gotta
so their father jacob finally said to
them if it can't be avoided then at
least do this pack your bags with the
best products of this land take them
down to the man as gifts balm honey gum
aromatic resin pistachio nuts and
almonds also take double the money that
was put back in your sacks as it was
probably someone's mistake then take
your brother and go back to the man may
god almighty give you mercy as you go
before the man so that he will release
simon and let benjamin return but if i
must lose my children so be it
that was cold they must be starving
that is grotesque i would never be like
that yeah well i guess if i got to lose
my kids that sucks but oh wells peace
out wow what a dick i'm sorry i'm not
so the men packed jacob's gifts and
double the money and headed off with
benjamin they finally arrived in egypt
and presented themselves to joseph then
when joseph saw benjamin with them he
said to the manager of his household
these men will eat with me this noon
take them inside the palace then go
slaughter an animal and prepare a big
i think he did that like in secret okay
so the man did as joseph told him and
took them into joseph's palace the
brothers were terrified when they saw
that they were being taken into joseph's
it's because of the money someone put in
our sacks last time we were here they
said he plans to pretend that we stole
it then he will seize us make us slaves
and take our donkeys is that what you
think when someone prepares you a feast
they don't know about the feast oh
that's what i'm saying they're being led
to joseph's giant house and they're like
we are so [ __ ] okay got it the
brothers approached the manager of
joseph's household and spoke to him at
the entrance of the palace
sir they said we came to egypt once
before to buy food but as we were
returning home we stopped for the night
and opened our sacks then we discovered
that each man's money the exact amount
paid was in the top of his sack here it
is we have brought it back with us we
also have additional money to buy more
food we have no idea who put our money
relax don't be afraid the household
manager told them your god the god of
your father must have put this treasure
into your sacks i know i received your
then he released simon and brought him
the manager then led the men into
joseph's palace he gave them water to
wash their feet and provided food for
their donkeys that was nice that was
nice they were told they would be eating
there so they prepared their gifts for
joseph's arrival at noon oh they are
shaking in their little boots
when joseph came home they gave him the
gifts they had brought him then bowed
low to the ground before him after
greeting them he asked how is your
father the old man you spoke about is he
still alive yes they replied our father
your servant is alive and well and they
then joseph looked at his brother
benjamin the son of his own mother
is this your youngest brother the one
you told me about joseph asked may god
be gracious to you my son
then joseph hurried from the room
because he was overcome with emotion for
his brother he went into his private
room where he broke down and wept after
washing his face he came back out
keeping himself under control then he
ordered bring out the food
i guess that's a different order yes
the waiters served joseph at his own
table and his brothers were served at a
separate table the egyptians who ate
with joseph sat at their own table
because egyptians despised hebrews and
refused to eat with them but wow
shitty of yeah wow here goes some
right and why are they why are they that
yeah it doesn't count anymore all right
joseph each told i'm sorry joseph told
each of his brothers where to sit and to
their amazement he seated them according
to age from oldest to youngest and
joseph filled their place with food from
his own table giving benjamin five times
as much as he gave the others so they
feasted and drank freely with him the
it's the end of the chapter but not the
end right there's gotta be more to the
story there's a reveal coming yeah
and i thought it was gonna be here so
i'm really disappointed but still i
think as far as genesis goes this is the
best story this is the best story
obviously this is why they made a
musical out of it yeah because you know
it's a pretty decent story good story
yeah but i mean like i said i thought
there was going to be the reveal here i
know and i'm disappointed but it does
give us something to look forward to the
finger it's a nice cliffhanger yeah
all right well i guess we will find out
what happens next week next week is it
next week no it's no it's thursday this
will be a this one going out is a
tuesday sorry thursday thursday we'll
see you guys thursday for genesis
chapters 44 and 45 we're almost done
with the book of generals oh my goodness
here it comes all right take care
um is there a way for people to contact
they can uh get on our twitter account
we have a twitter account we do what is
it it is sacrilegious underscore d
like d for discourse yeah they wouldn't
let me put the whole thing so
i had to shorten it to underscore d i
hate them yeah that's disgusting how do
you spell sacrilegious do you know i
don't want to just look it up in a
i don't i don't want to do that right
now you know why sacrilegious underscore
d okay because you messed it up and i
made you fix it that's why yeah yeah
what about an email yeah we got that too
sacrilegious discourse at gmail.com oh
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