[Transcription is auto-generated and may not be perfect]
0:05
hey you welcome to sacrilegious
discourse i'm husband i'm wife and
together we're reading the bible
starting with genesis and eventually
ending with revelations we're working
through every book and offering our
atheist two cents four shekels yeah
we're asking questions and pointing out
all the nonsense we aren't academics or
scholars nope in fact when it comes to
religion we really don't know anything
what we've learned so far is that god's
a dick oh he really is isn't he if
you're interested in how we reached this
startling conclusion maybe start from
episode one otherwise jump in anywhere
hey wife we just got a new sponsor it's
anchor they must think we're doing
something right because they picked us
back up that's amazing want to hear
something even more amazing uh yeah i
actually know what they are you are full
of [ __ ] i'm calling your bluff tell me
about anchor okay so anchor by spotify
is the easiest way to make a podcast
with everything you need all in one
place i'm actually surprised you knew
that but did you also know that anchor
has tools that allow you to record and
edit your podcast right from your phone
or computer yes because i see you do
that on your phone all the time and it
looks pretty simple it really is and
when hosting on anchor you can
distribute your podcast on listening
platforms like spotify and apple podcast
but i use caspar yeah darling i know you
like cashbox it gets distributed there
too and lots of other platforms as well
and how much are we paying for this
awesome service absolutely nothing
coolio so then we should tell people to
download the ink or app or go to
inker.fm to get started yep do it now
do you remember what happened last time
do you remember it was about joseph
uh i mean i would have figured that
since we've been talking about him but
i mean i don't remember anything are you
serious i've been really busy lately so
like my mind is not on the bible
i mean my mind's not on the bible either
you know that's no excuse
are you trying to say that
um i should cut you some slack yeah all
right i'm going to cut you some slack
you want to make a covenant on it held
to the no but i will put my hand under
see i don't even remember either
um [ __ ] with his family a lot but then
okay oh yeah yeah yeah like he hit a cup
and then he was like just kidding
i remember yeah and they lived happily
ever after or whatever blah blah blah
um i don't know if they're gonna wrap it
up or if we're moving on to something
else in genesis chapters 46 and 47. all
right well let's find out okie dokie
hey wife yes husband did you know that
um yes because you told me but also no
so we're on patreon now are we we are
and our supporters can go there and
support us and we have multiple levels
all the way up to you killed god
that sounds really drastic and escalated
quickly-ish well no there's multiple
levels before there so that's it
escalates on a sliding scale of you know
but you know we can definitely use any
amount so like any support is always
appreciated so what exactly is patreon
it's a place where you can show your
support for our podcast and just our
podcast any podcast for any performer
but you know we're the ones that you
know you're listening to right now so
maybe you should uh you know support us
that'd be awesome that would be awesome
but we love you anyway so all you got to
do is go to patreon look up sacrilegious
discourse it's actually patreon.com
forward slash sacrilegious discourse is
main page there so head on over and
so this is genesis chapter 46 jacob and
his family in egypt show more about
jacob then more about jake no yeah
well no because joseph is the guy jacob
is the dad oh yeah yeah so this is rare
not more about more of the same story
that we've been listening to right right
sorry busy remember i know yeah so jacob
set out for egypt with all his
possessions which you know back then
and when huh i mean they have lots of
animals and right servants and stuff but
it wasn't like he had bookshelves full
of like records and stuff like that yeah
board games sheep are harder to move
than records i would imagine pack up
monopoly and when he came to beersheba
he offered sacrifices to the god of his
father isaac during the night god spoke
jacob jacob he called here i am jacob
they're always saying here i am here i
am why does isaac get sacrifices i don't
[ __ ] know that's weird i know it
i am god the god of your father the
voice said do not be afraid to go down
to egypt for there i will make your
family into a great nation he's always
promising this great nation
um i will go with you down to egypt and
i will bring you back again you will die
in egypt but joseph will be with you to
how about if we just skip the trip and
why we gotta go to see his son
well maybe his son should come back to
got to do with it okay that's bad it
really was sorry everybody sorry so
jacob left beersheba and his sons took
him to egypt they carried him and their
little ones and their wives in the
wagons pharaoh had provided for them
they also took all their livestock and
all the personal belongings they had
acquired in the land of canaan so jacob
and his entire family went to egypt sons
and grandsons daughters and
granddaughters all his descendants
oh god these are the names of the
of israel just get through it get
through it all right ready yeah i'm
reuben was jacob's oldest son the sons
of reuben were hannock palu hezron and
karmi karmai the sons of simon were
mother was a canaanite woman
the sons of levi were gershon gohath and
mirari the sons of judah were er onan
though er and onan had died in the land
of canaan no [ __ ] we heard about that
the sons of perez were hezron and hamul
the sons of issachar were tola pua
jashab and shimron the sons of zebulon
were sarid elon and jaleel
these were the sons of leah and jacob
who were born in padan aram bananarama
in addition to their daughter dinah
someone's in the kitchen with yeah the
number of jacob's descendants male and
female through leah was 33.
don't know why that matters don't care
yeah not 34 and 35 is right out
definitely not 32. right right
the sons of god oh gad sorry the sons of
gad were zephin haggai shuni esbon erie
orodi and arelli the sons of asher were
imna ishvah ishvi and mariah
their sister was sarah baria's sons were
heber and malkiel these were the sons of
zilpah and the servant given to leah by
the number of jacob's descendants
the sons of jacob's wife rachel were
joseph and benjamin joseph's sons born
in the land of egypt were manessa and
their mother was azanath daughter of
potiphara the priest of on
benjamin's sons were bila beaker ash
belgiera naman e hi rash muppem muppets
hup muppam hupam and aard
i'm not even making this [ __ ] up i know
these were the sons of rachel and jacob
the number of jacob's descendants
through rachel was 14. the son of dan
i'm sorry houshine the sons of nephtali
these were the sons of bilba i'm sorry
billa whatever the servant given to
rachel by her father laban the number of
jacob's descendants through billa was
seven the total number of jacob's direct
descendants who went with him to egypt
not counting his son's wives was 66. who
66 66. in addition joseph had two sons
who were born in egypt so altogether
there were 70 members of jacob's family
in the land of egypt wow okay
as they neared their destination jacob
sent judah ahead to meet joseph and get
directions to the region of goshen
i really think they should have just got
and when they finally arrived there
joseph prepared his chariot and traveled
to goshen to meet his father jacob when
joseph arrived he embraced his father
and wept holding him for a long time
finally jacob said to joseph now i am
ready to die since i have seen your face
again and know you are still alive and
joseph said to his brothers and to his
i will go to pharaoh and tell him my
brothers and my father's entire family
have come to me from the land of canaan
these mens are shepherds and they raise
livestock they have brought with them
their flocks and herds and everything
then joseph said when pharaoh calls for
you and asks you about your occupation
we your servants have raised livestock
all our lives of our ancestors have
always done when you tell him this he
will let you live here in the region of
for the egyptians despise shepherds the
that was boring and random i mean i'm i
really hate all the just name dropping
in years yeah numbers and yeah it's so
like i do pointless i don't understand
but and also i don't like the random oh
and by the by egyptians just by
shepherds also you know what else do
they but do they why why do why do
egyptians despise shepherds who knows
wouldn't some background on that be nice
but i also don't like the fact that i
can't interject something funny just
name name name name name name name name
name name number number number
i'm bored so right what else am i gonna
do except for make some sort of noise
they got to know i'm still here i mean
that's true yeah it's true and it's good
that you didn't fall asleep because you
very well could have i know because busy
and tired busy and tired yeah all right
all right so we're going on to chapter
47. yes very good all right you're a
good boy we'll see you guys in a minute
okay so we're on chapter 47 which is a
from 46 from chapter 46 jacob and his
family in egypt okay okay hopefully
there's less name dropping this time i
think that we have some more story here
but i do believe that this chapter will
wrap up the story of jacob or the story
of joseph there's not gonna like in
genesis with the story there's gonna be
like some random chapters at the end and
then two more chapters after this one
three more 48 49 50. yeah my bad yeah i
then joseph went to see pharaoh and told
him my father and my brothers have
arrived from the land of canaan they
have come with all their flocks and
herds and possessions and they are now
joseph took five of his brothers with
him and presented them to pharaoh and
pharaoh asked the brothers what is your
occupation they replied we your servants
are shepherds just like our ancestors
wait i thought they were supposed to not
say they are shepherds because egyptians
despise shepherds i don't know
we have come to live here in egypt for a
while for there is no pasture for our
flocks in canaan the famine is very
severe there so please we request
permission to live in the region of
then pharaoh said to joseph now that
your father and brothers have joined you
here choose any place in the entire land
of egypt for them to live give them the
best land of egypt let them live in the
and if any of them have special skills
put them in charge of my livestock too
then joseph brought in his father jacob
and presented him to the pharaoh and i'm
sorry to pharaoh not the pharaoh didn't
his father die when he went to met him
no oh he just said no i can die oh okay
okay oh he's counting down time i guess
and jacob blessed pharaoh how old are
you pharaoh asked him jacob replied i
have traveled this earth for 130 hard
years but my life has been short
compared to the lives of my ancestors
then jacob blessed pharaoh again before
leaving his court so joseph assigned the
best land of egypt the region of ramses
to his father and his brothers and he
settled them there just as pharaoh had
commanded and joseph provided food for
his father and his brothers in amounts
appropriate to the number of their
dependents including the smallest
like that would be an entire [ __ ]
village worth yeah basically yeah
meanwhile the famine became so severe
that all the food was used up and people
were starving throughout the lands of
but jacob and but not for jacob and
by selling grain to the people joseph
eventually collected all the money in
egypt and canaan and he put the money in
pharaoh's treasury when the people of
egypt and canaan ran out of money all
the egyptians came to joseph our money
is gone they cried but please give us
food or we will die before your very
joseph replied since your money is gone
bring me your livestock i will give you
food in exchange for your livestock
couldn't they just eat their livestock
why well if they eat their livestock
then it won't be around to reproduce
more livestock and then what do you do
well but if they give their livestock
away they're still not going to be
around to produce more livestock for
them i guess yeah so i mean what's it
matter i really don't know
i mean it sounds like he's milking for
all their worth yeah this this is not
nice this is not the way to lead people
i think he's like you're starving give
me everything right right i'm sorry i
haven't squeezed every drop out of you
so they brought their livestock to
joseph in exchange for food in exchange
for their horses flocks of sheep and
goats herds of cattle and donkeys
joseph provided them with food for
another year but that year ended and the
next year they came again and said we
cannot hide the truth from you my lord
our money is gone and all our livestock
and cattle are yours we have nothing
left to give you but our bodies and our
land why should we die before your very
eyes buy us and our land in exchange for
food we offer our land and ourselves as
slaves for pharaoh jesus christ
just give us grain so we may live and
not die and so the land does not become
so joseph bought all the land of egypt
for pharaoh all the egyptians sold him
their fields because the famine was so
severe and soon all the land belonged to
pharaoh i mean they're taking hardcore
advantage of these people this is
i i don't are we supposed to be cheering
for yay joseph because i don't know this
as for the people he made them all
we love slaves are you starving hungry
dying great we'll take all of your [ __ ]
and then we'll make you slaves
this is i know i already said grotesque
gross disgusting did you did you know
yeah no i like i just i want to throw up
i hate these people so much yeah
he okay as for the people he made them
all slaves from one end of egypt to the
other the only land he did not buy was
the land belonging to the priests they
received an allotment of food directly
from pharaoh so they didn't need to sell
their land yeah that sounds about
then joseph said to the people look
today i have bought you and your land
for pharaoh i will provide you with seed
so you can plant the fields then when
you harvest it one fifth of your crop
will belong to pharaoh you may keep the
remaining four fifths as seed for your
fields and as food for you your
households and your little ones
you have saved our lives they exclaimed
may it please you my lord to let us be
joseph then issued a decree still in
effect in the land of egypt that pharaoh
should receive one-fifth of all the
only the land belonging to the priests
meanwhile the people of israel settled
in the region of goshen in egypt there
they acquired property and they were
fruitful and their population grew
jacob lived for 17 years after his
arrival in egypt so he lived 147 years
as the time of his death drew near jacob
called for his son joseph and said to
him please do me this favor put your
and swear that you will treat me with
unfailing love by honoring this last
request do not bury me in egypt
when i die please take my body out of
egypt and bury me with my ancestors
so joseph promised i will do as you ask
swear that you will do it jacob insisted
so joseph gave his oath and jacob bowed
humbly at the head of his bed
suspiciously like a covenant with the
hand on the thigh thing right i think
that's what it was she made an oath i
know but they called it something
different so this time it was an oath
that was that was the last of today yeah
i don't really know what to say the
whole thing is just bad and wrong and
horrible they took so much advantage of
people and then joseph's family got like
a free pass and got to be rich and like
and then the religious people got to
free pass and got to be rich yeah and
the pharaoh got to get richer and richer
and richer off of people that were
suffering it sounds kind of like our
country today i mean a little bit yeah
so in that case i guess we are a very
the way of the things the way of the
things the people at the top screw over
the people at the bottom and keep
everything for themselves and then
on top of that the people at the bottom
are supposed to be [ __ ] grateful for
the crumbs i wish i could have found
something humorous because this was kind
blah well i mean we're we're headed
towards the end of the election season
schedule chain so you're working all the
time and i'm sick so it kind of feels
like a blah time in addition to oh yeah
and then joseph and pharaoh made
everybody slaves on top of that so sorry
if we sound down about everything but
that was kind of a downer of a
it took a dark turn there at the end you
i mean i was i didn't appreciate it no i
was cheering for him like yay he made it
yeah i kind of liked joseph somewhat
sort of yeah he made it was fine but yay
he made it and then he screwed the
entire [ __ ] population of the country
what what no kind of an [ __ ] thing to
do i'm not all about vengeance
especially if you're like
with god and like you're like supposed
to be like doing god's bidding and so
apparently god's okay with all this
[ __ ] you well the god of the bible is a
nasty individual who condones rape and
murder and incest and i'm not down with
him but only when it suits him sometimes
sometimes right sometimes he doesn't and
he'll kill you for that [ __ ] right or
like if you don't sleep with your
brother's wife and you know right he'll
kill you for that [ __ ] too right [ __ ]
you know i i think that this god is
quite persnickety definitely
all right well that's all we got for
today right yep yep all right well we
some other time that i can't possibly
know at this point in time i think that
it will be a i think this was a tuesday
and we'll see you guys on thursday for
the final three chapters of genesis oh
so it's gonna be a long episode 48 49
and 50. prep yourself now for a long
um is there a way for people to contact
they can uh get on our twitter account
we have a twitter account we do what is
it it is sacrilegious underscore d
like d for discourse yeah they wouldn't
let me put the whole thing so
i had to shorten it to underscore d i
hate them yeah that's disgusting how do
you spell sacrilegious do you know i
don't want to just look it up in a
i don't i don't want to do that right
now you know why sacrilegious underscore
d okay because you messed it up and i
made you fix it that's why yeah yeah
what about an email yeah we got that too
sacrilegious discourse at gmail.com oh
well that's easy yeah as long as you
know how to spell sacrilegious right
well definitely get a hold of us let us
know what you thought thought of the
episode and you know any comments hate
mail we love that kind of stuff
also you could answer some questions
that we leave throughout or like correct
my pronunciation yeah please
horrible because we suck sometimes
absolutely oh also you know if you like
this [ __ ] or whatnot um like give us a
like on your podcasting app and stuff or
even leave a comment or something that
would be awesome that would be awesome
